Who have you told?
[This message edited by EB1541 at 12:32 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]
I did not think it would be helpful to R in our case if everybody knew.
[This message edited by bobf at 12:36 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]
Anyway, as I said, it's a personal decision, and really depend on your judgment re whether people will be supportive or not. If you suspect they won't be supportive, hold back. You can always tell them later, once you've settled down. It's tough at the beginning, though, when you feel so lonely.
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 1:28 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]
All of my friends, all of my family, all of my new neighbours, some of my clients, a couple of waitresses at my local bar, my optician, my shrink, the entire audience at my weekly open stage, everyone I jam with, old friends, strangers on the bus. Almost fucking everybody!
Her family is a bunch of arseholes, so I never told them. They wouldn't have believed it, and they probably would have lashed out at me.
I wish I'd told her neighbours (they used to be my neighbours as well). I've become the dirty little secret in the neighbourhood, while they've all be setting her up with their friends and family.
Why have I told so many people? I've discovered that people want to help. They want to be there for me. Am I being selfish? Maybe, but I haven't done a good job of hiding my emotions. People were wondering what'n hell was wrong with me.
Tell fucking everyone, EB. Knowledge is power. You may be worrying about people thinking he's an arse, and that causing some difficult situations if you decide to reconcile. Well, that isn't your problem. He is about to face a metric shitload of consequences, and losing the respect of everyone he knows should be Consequence Number One.
People can't be there for you if they don't know what's wrong. Please get the support you need.
And he'll be mad if you tell people? Fuck him! He has lost all right to get mad about anything!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
I mean this all in the kindest possible way, although I know it's not going to seem that way: 1) You're not talking because he might get mad? Screw him! YOU'RE the one who should be mad! 2) You're embarassed to let his family know? Why on earth should you be embarassed? They're the ones who raised this cheating scumbag!
Keeping it a secret benefits only him at this point. It keeps you isolated and allows him to manipulate you better. He needs to come face to face with the consequences of his actions. You will never be able to appeal to his better nature -- right now, he doesn't have one.
I can't believe he cheated on you so early in your marriage. He's no good, I'm afraid.
I want some one to know in his family because he is just living life like it's all fine and dandy! I told my mother because I have no close friends. But his family keeps texting me about normal stuff but it's hard when it just reminds me of him and how much he hurt me.
Know that some of you mentioned it. I am keeping a secret for his benefit. It's not fair it just hurting me more. We can't afford counseling and I doubt he would go or even tell the truth there .
But thank you everyone it's nice to see all perspectives.
I have told a few friends that have dealt with infidelity before and I knew they would be a good support system and would be accepting of my WH if I let him stay in my life.
None of WH family knows yet. He has a strained relationship with them and is closer with my family. Right now Im not concerned with telling his family, but Im sure it will come out one day.
I told my best friend about 6 years ago when I found out then. She wouldn't stay in same room with him after. Then she moved away for her husbands job. She's the only other one I would tell now if I could...
Then there's all of you!
I'm so glad I found this site. The support is awesome. The circumstances we are all here really stinks though.
I also told my cousin but I regretted it later because I have a feeling she told her 2 daughters and that is not what I wanted her to do.
Our sons do not know, neither do our families. My parents have long been dead and his were very old and sick and I would not have told them even if they lived close. His sister doesn't know and I don't plan on telling her; we are not close and never have been.