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I don't want an asterisk

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Exhausted in OH posted 1/21/2014 15:46 PM

I haven't posted much in a very long time, but as I get farther out, I am needing more insight from R veterans that my well-meaning but clueless "real life" support network can't help with. As background, we are 2+ years out from DDay, almost 15 months from a non-A related (but selfish and wayward like) setback. That fuckup was a real turnaround for us - he had been a "good" wayward up to that point, but the last bit of selfishness and entitlement left us when he had a major reality check. Since then, I can honestly say that our M has been fantastic - pretty much everything I could ask for. But I'm not sure that I won't always feel that we have an "asterisk", like an athlete whose record is tainted. We have a fantastic marriage, a true partnership, a strong physical connection, BUT... *

I just wish I knew how to minimize that damn asterisk. Does it get better?

Rebreather posted 1/21/2014 15:52 PM

Yup, it gets better.

You just keep adding new layers around the hurt, good memories, new normal, and you get further and further out to where the hurt on the inside is well insulated. It's there, but becomes less relevant to all that surrounds it.

Exhausted in OH posted 1/21/2014 17:01 PM

Thanks Rebreather
I can handle the feeling for now, I just wish I had a crystal ball into the future. Sigh. I guess, as with everything in this shitstorm, it just comes down to T-I-M-E

Rebreather posted 1/21/2014 17:09 PM

I wish I had a better answer!

And it is good to see you.

Exhausted in OH posted 1/21/2014 17:11 PM

Thanks - good to see you too! It's been so long that I'm no longer exhausted nor in OH - merely tired in CA

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