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Howie (original poster member #41922) posted at 10:19 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Basics, after 5 years of marriage, discovery of wife's two year affair (with "best" friend), 6 month separation, much work, both of us, for reconciliation. Followed by (so far) 15 years of partnership and,I can hardly believe it -after the horrible pain, happiness.
But, maybe 3 times a year, from a song, a film, too much downtime, the floor under me splits up and I am falling again towards the pit of hell. The same thoughts all the way down - her smiling face, lying; the shame of not discovering (I must deserve this), the anger because I will fight fight, not be defeated and "beat" the past.
I can, partly, discipline my thoughts and gradually the gravity of my real life pulls me up.Like movie magic, the floor comes back together. And life goes forward.
Sound at all familiar?
steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 11:09 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I still have dreams from when he was foggy, and could say such cruel things without any feeling.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
Kalliopeia ( member #35053) posted at 11:20 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
yes, a hundred flashbacks. Getting laughed at to my face and told how sick I was for trying to make other people believe he and I had a relationship. ( his emotional affair a year or so ago wasn't supposed to know we really were together, a diamond on my hand)
He told me he had just been trying to be nice to me and laughed in my face. When I was in the act of informing the ladies spouse, my fiance began to threaten calling the police to stop me.
I was like wtf. 
I hate the flashbacks that come as I am being told i was always loved and wanted and I remember at the same time something like what I just told about the police.
Razor ( member #16345) posted at 11:48 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Yes still flash backs.
Behavior patterns of WW that is similar to LTA behavior. Places where they went I cant go to now.
Yay for us enjoying this gift that keeps giving.
Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche
brokendancer7 ( member #39911) posted at 3:25 AM on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014
Yes, I have a couple every so often. The one where he is on his knees, saying, "I swear on my mother's grave that I am not having an affair," as I cry, about 2 weeks before DD.
The other, where H falls asleep, his phone slipping out of his Ambien-ass hand. I pick it up and lay it beside me on the bed for a few minutes, dreading the trip to Hell that I have a feeling I am about to take. Finally, I pick up the phone, and right there is a passionate text from OW.
Ugh, just thinking about those moments is making me break out in a cold sweat and feel sick, but at least I have consciously brought them out of my mind. The really bad times are when they suddenly hit you out of nowhere and knock you to the ground.
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