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I became an OW and did not know....livid

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fraeuken posted 1/21/2014 17:08 PM

I am livid and disgusted with a man I had no reason not to trust...

Won't go into all the boring details but it came to my attention yesterday that a past friend I had reconnected with via email and phone and with whom I was supposed to meet possibly later this spring, has been carrying on an EA with me and lying to me for the past few months about his involvement with somebody else. He knows my story in much detail and he knows that I would never, ever get involved with anybody if they were seeing somebody else. I guess it was easy for him to hide since he lives abroad. We talked at length about this, and yet, the man who claims to still deeply care about me did this.

I am feeling horrible, for having inadvertently been the OW, the damage I might have done to their relationship without knowing, having been used by him and having been betrayed by somebody who I thought was a friend with the potential to maybe be more again in the future.

This has snapped me right back into my 2014 mantra - no dating, no relationship, no FWB. Just me, myself and I - working, taking care of my girls, developing friendships, traveling and enjoying single life to the fullest.

I just wished I could wash this horrid dirty feeling away, yuck.

finallymefirst posted 1/21/2014 19:12 PM

(((Fraeuken))) it's not ur fault... don't be so hard on urself and if one day some hot guy asks u out... go!!!

phmh posted 1/21/2014 19:44 PM

I'm sorry he put you in that position. But you are very strong to have put an end to it -- great job! Don't beat yourself up. There is nothing more you could have done.

why2008 posted 1/21/2014 23:35 PM

Happened to me once when I was younger, I met this guy when I worked as a traveling salesperson, crossed paths in accounts. Went on a date with him, he was abnormally hurried in trying to close the deal (if you know what I mean)

I called to let him know I was going to be late on our second date, looked up his home number, and a woman answered the phone. Bless her heart, she barely spoke english but I did find out she was living with him, and told her what was going on.

He called and I laid into him... he said it was my fault for not asking.

This was prior to being scared by infidelity and I felt like CRAP about myself for being used by this guy and by being part of the pain inflicted on his girlfriend or wife.

I understand how you feel... we know it is not our fault, but it feels horrible to know some douchebag could get to know us and then try to use us that way, and even though we did not intentionally deliver pain to the betrayed, there is no joy in being the vessel of delivery.

[This message edited by why2008 at 11:36 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]

Bluebird26 posted 1/22/2014 03:24 AM

I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation. What a douche he is!

Are you going to let his BS know?

Be gentle with yourself, at least you didn't do it with the intent of being in that situation.

SBB posted 1/22/2014 04:27 AM

the damage I might have done to their relationship without knowing,

No - he damaged their relationship, not you. If you were aware then

I personally don't consider them OPS when they don't know here is a BSO/BS. They are being lied to and cheated too. Cheated out of NOT every being an OP.

Make sure you out him to the BS/BSO. Fucker. Who DOES that?

fraeuken posted 1/22/2014 10:19 AM

At this point I only know of his GF, but I have no idea who she is or how to reach her. The knowledge also did not come directly from him; I had talked to a joint friend and told her briefly that I was back in contact with him, nothing more. And so our joined friend asked me how he was doing and if he still had his long term girlfriend whom his parents hope he will finally marry.

I confronted him with my knowledge the same day and he admitted to having an on/off relationship with this woman and that they had split a while ago but were back to seeing each other and considering moving together.

I think I will let it be at this point. I told him very clearly what I think. That's all I can do.

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