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My WH "needs" me now

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dovetool posted 1/21/2014 21:16 PM

Okay so quick background. My husband left me October 2011. We reconciled in April 2012. I got TT through the next two years about the affairs he's had. NOT the person I thought he was at all.

When he had left me I had been diagnosed with cancer. Had treatment and Im doing great now.

Fast forward to today. He has had a broken leg since 12/26/2013.

He told me today that I wasn't doing a great job taking care of him. He said that I was good the first three weeks but feels like Im dropping the ball. Why? He drove the kids too and back from practice the other day and one day he got up and made our new born a bottle here and there. I was pissed. I'm doing the best I can. I have two boys 9 and 10 who are very active in sports. THREE leagues each! Add a six month old, and a new house being built, a sales job, and over needy parents and I have so much on my plate. Not too mention that he came clean about every affair finally 6 months ago!

I'm trying. I drop the ball. Sometimes because I have too much on my mind. Other times because I am so mad that the person taking care of me during my fight with cancer was my 10 year old (who was 8 then).

He had no problem putting off my needs for 10 years or the needs of his kids. Now he has the audacity to tell me I'm not doing a good job.

AM I CRAZY!?

Gotmegood posted 1/21/2014 21:30 PM

No, of course you aren't crazy. You seem like someone trying very very hard to balance an extremely full plate. Mr Broken Leg ......self-centered much? Have you reminded him how very well you understand how special it feels to have someone wait on you when you're sick and can't do for yourself? And that you'll always be so appreciative of that special little man in your life who was there for you?
I hope you get to take a day off soon. You deserve it.

dovetool posted 1/21/2014 21:31 PM

Urgh! It just hurts so bad! How can he think such a thing after everything he put me through!

dovetool posted 1/21/2014 21:34 PM

Thank you GotMe!

I should explain that during my pregnancy with our little 6month old he was great. Amazing. He took care of everything I needed, the kids needed. But Because he finally wanted to be here and was kissing my ass at that time so I wouldnt leave him, I'm now supposed to be my old self? I get it. Its been two years... six month since the whole truth... of him being the perfect little husband. Does that mean I forget everythiung else? Does that make it any easier? I'm truely asking because I dont know if Im crazy!

brokendancer7 posted 1/21/2014 21:34 PM

Sometimes I think we need a smilie whose jaw is dropping, way, way down. That's the one I would use right now after reading your WH's remarks.

No, you are NOT crazy! (And you sound like a wonderful mother.)

StillGoing posted 1/22/2014 06:44 AM

He needs to man up.

stunnedin12 posted 1/22/2014 08:23 AM

What?

What does he need you to do? How bad is the break?
What are the dr or pt orders?

refuz2bavictim posted 1/22/2014 08:31 AM

UNGRATEFUL. He needs to start practicing some gratefulness. And while he's at it, he should tell you how deeply sorry he is that he left you when you had been diagnosed with cancer and how fortunate he feels to have you showing him ANY care at all.

sinsof thefather posted 1/22/2014 08:46 AM

How can he think such a thing after everything he put me through!
In a nutshell because it's still all about him.

sisoon posted 1/22/2014 10:11 AM

A couple of thoughts...

Is it possible he's turning into an ass because his pain is increasing? That could be worrisome.

OTOH, if he's not really totally committed to R, kissing your ass will most likely build up his resentment level, which is definitely not good.

What's he doing to change - is he in IC and/or MC or is he white-knuckling it? There's a limit to how long a person can do the white-knuckle stuff.

Did he ask for anything specific from you, or did he just attack?

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this along with your already extremely demanding normal life. I hope it's just a glitch. I don't think you're crazy at all.

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:11 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]

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