Thanks for taking the time to respond, DareToTrust.
I know that slapping him was incredibly wrong. I'm appalled by my lack of control.
I don't think he was verbally abusive, but I feel emotionally battered.
I can't tell....is this just part of the roller coaster? The ups and downs? Or am I deluding myself? He says all the right things to me, but when it comes time to stand up and take responsibility for his actions with others...he boils it down to "marital difficulties."
That's what he told his family. They asked why he acted so erratically on his visit last July. They were concerned. He was acting erratically because he was desperately trying to hook up with a Facebook chat buddy and former sex partner for sex. He tells his family it's bc we were having a "rough spot." Even after saying he would own up to his responsibility.
And when I point out the discrepancy, he says it's because he was still angry at me for the marriage before the affair. Which means he's not taking responsibility for his actions, right?
Any time I strongly urge him to come clean about his responsibility for his actions to his family (or others--and all I was asking was that he say he made some bad choices that hurt our marriage--no specifics) he freaks out and starts threatening to tell his parents and my parents any and every negative and hurtful thing about me he can come up with from the past 18 years. Is that normal?
I know he has low frustration tolerance, and he's working on it.
Actually, I say that and realize I am working on it. I am reading books, in IC, meditating, and trying to do what I can to work on the marriage and myself.
I...I honestly don't know what he's doing.
Maybe I am just an idiot.
(Also, there are other factors at play that I worry about and would like him to disclose to his family, but he sometimes reads the forum and knows my name, so I'm uncomfortable bringing them up.)
[This message edited by SpotlessMind at 8:58 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]