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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: I guess this is good, but now what?
naivewife
♀ 38375
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mind is just spinning today. You see, WH's (I'm going to call him fWH from now on!) A was really complicated. At the time that this happened, he was not mentally stable. He was going off of an antidepressant and a benzodiazepine and he was experiencing what is known as "withdrawal syndrome." It was nothing short of a disaster. No one knew how to help him and doctors don't want to admit to it. Therefore, we struggled alone for a good 6 months before finding a psychiatrist who would listen to us. Long story short, said psychiatrist gets her daughter involved, who also happens to have a medical degree, who is going to help fWH slowly taper from his drugs. Problem is, unbeknownst to us, this doctor/daughter is also most likely NPD but possibly even a sociopath. So being a good little nut job, doctor/daughter decides she's going to have an A with my husband. So she makes herself a part of our household, coming here every weekend, while I care for our newborn and two year old, and she's putting the moves on my unstable, desperate husband.
Yadda, yadda, yadda, I catch them. False R for a couple of months while fWH begs me to not leave him, he loves me, he's so sorry, but he's still acting like a arse, but I kind of assume this is 1/2 fog and 1/2 w/d syndrome. Finally fWH confesses that OW contacted him about a week after I caught them and reeled him back in, and he was afraid of cutting off that tie because that was also his only connection to his psychiatrist, the only one who would recognize and support his withdrawal process, rather than label him with the 10 most common mental disorders and prescribe him the 10 most common psychotropics.
So the last 10 months or so I have discovered what true R feels like. He has been working very hard in IC and doing everything he can. In the meantime, I've always been mindful that he was in quite a state when this happened, and OW was a predator who had a great deal of power over him, so I guess you could say I was a little more compassionate than the average BS - but still identifying myself with anyone else who has been betrayed, accepting the idea that WH had choices and he made the wrong ones and he needs to work on himself, like any other A.
So last night I'm reading some more about antidepressant withdrawal and I find this list of basically "what to expect" when a loved one is tapering from an antidepressant. OMG! This huge list pretty much covered the progression fWH went through for the entire 19 months of his life then, and I mean, crazy minute details.

And sickeningly, at the time OW entered our life, the symptoms go basically like this "eliminating input from loved ones, stressing independence to an unreasonable level, appearing selfish and arrogant a lot of the time, manic episodes, perceptions of people and events become skewed, the person’s connection to the consequences of his or her own actions is severed, conscience and compassion disappear, that awareness of something wrong may disappear.
The person vilifies and pushes away the people they care for the most, almost always including a spouse or significant other first. The person in withdrawal might start to believe they never loved their partner, shifts blame to them for events that may or may not have happened, or fails to recall positive, defining events in the relationship. Duration or quality of the relationship seems to have little bearing on this response.
Your formerly calm loved one can display unusual impulsive behaviors such as promiscuity, impulsive spending, drinking – even if they never did these things before. The five senses shift into overdrive."


So... throw in a sexually aggressive, narcissist doctor figure and um... I'm feeling like I need to start over again in processing this. Placing blame. Holding fWH accountable. Please know too that this is just a snippet of the list. His suffering was intense, both physically and mentally, and then all of that stuff listed also happened, on top of the suffering. Anyone care to comment?


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
JustSoSad42
♀ 41711
Member # 41711
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have nothing substantial to say, just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this, and maybe you should consider bringing OW's actions up to whatever board she is governed by? Taking advantage of a patient experiencing serious drug withdrawals seems like it is a pretty big deal and she should have her license revoked...


BS: 26, SAHM
WH: 29. Together 10yrs, married 6
3 kids 3 and under
DDay 11/21/13 Husband had ONS Aug. 2013 while living across the country temporarily for work.

Posts: 82 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sleeping with a patient is definitely grounds for license revocation.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
naivewife
♀ 38375
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, and I'm sure anyone that read our story would immediately say "report!" There are so many complexities, but I'll try to explain.
A - most simply, fWH just wanted to get as far away from her as possible after confessing to me, he fears her to a certain degree, she is a bunny boiler, and further, he was downright addicted/dependent on her, so I wasn't going to push anything, since it was already d-day 2 and it really felt like getting someone off heroin - you don't take the addict back to the drug house to tell the dealers off when they're still totally dependent

B - OW is not licensed in our state, and maybe no state. At one time she was licensed in Alaska, but that was many years ago, while still an intern. She's a pathetic story really, she has her degree but lives with mommy, laying in bed all day pretending she has an illness so that mommy will support her and she doesn't have to work. In the meantime, mommy is trying to make herself feel better about paying for OW's med school by paying her NPD daughter to occasionally google stuff about clients drugs or sadly, occasionally get involved with patients to help them out, like our sorry arses. OW uses these clients for her narcissist supply.

C - The fallback will all most likely land on her mother, whom fWH believes is innocent of wrongdoing, was unaware of the situation, and he credits for pretty much saving his life.

D - It's always a possibility he'll change his mind. His IC says it's common for abuse victims to take several years to realize they were abused and get angry and be ready to take action. fWH is obviously torn with this label of "abuse victim" when he is at the same time feeling tremendous guilt and remorse for what he has done. And in the meantime, his poor brain is still recovering.

Thank you for responding.


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
traditoperanni
♀ 32660
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take action against the OW's mother then. She knew what her daughter is and still let her interact with patients? Very wrong.
Stop enabling these people-they need to be reported or sued whatever. Talk to a lawyer, sooner than later.


Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 430 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
naivewife
♀ 38375
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again for your responses. I feel like I'm in such a strange place now. I don't know what to feel. It's like a huge burden has been lifted, but a new one placed. In a way, I don't even know if I belong in this forum, but where else do you go? SurvivingHornyCrazyDoctors.com? Ha! Yeah, just lost. I was talking to fWH tonight, the first time we've had a chance to talk since discovering this list and he asked "what's wrong?" and I blurted out "I feel so...?" and that was it. Literally, I have no idea what to feel. I felt a stronger connection with fWH tonight than I have since all of this has happened. We had sex and for the first time I wasn't overcome with that "does he really love me?" feeling I've become so familiar with since d-day. It felt almost like us prior to all the hell... and then I felt a sort of panic, internally kicking myself saying "No, protect yourself!"
So I have no idea how to proceed from here emotionally, reconciliation-wise, as far as how do you reconcile with someone who betrayed you but might have been essentially brain damaged and may have had no control over himself at all at the time. Ugh. Sorry, I'm rambling!


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
sinsof thefather
♀ 29295
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 3:46 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the meantime, mommy is trying to make herself feel better about paying for OW's med school by paying her NPD daughter to occasionally google stuff about clients drugs or sadly, occasionally get involved with patients to help them out, like our sorry arses. OW uses these clients for her narcissist supply.
I can't comment on the how the effects of withdrawal affected your husband because I have no knowledge about it and would only be guessing. But what you wrote above does need reporting naivewife.

Even though I understand how difficult this is for you with your husband seeing it differently, I still think it really is imperative this comes to light somehow, because this really could be happening again right now with another patient of the mothers. Someone else in desperate need of help could be being manipulated into exactly the same situation by this mother/daughter team. If the daughter is unqualified in your state why is she being allowed access to vulnerable patients in the first place?

Either OW's mother really is innocent and oblivious to it, in which case she has to be told immediately so she can stop it going forward, or she's not oblivious to it and needs to be struck off herself for allowing her mentally ill daughter access to the vulnerable patients in her own care.

If the daughter is mentally ill and her mother truly is oblivious to it then she has missed her own daughter's psychosis - which does not speak well of her skills in psychiatry regardless of whether she had any success with your husband or not. Or, worse, the mother is actively choosing to ignore the dangers of her daughters interaction with her vulnerable patients in exchange for an easy home life - which would make her highly unethical herself.

Of course the daughter could not really have any mental illness and just be evil (I have no way of knowing) - but which - again her mother has either missed (and needs to be told about) or once again she does know but has not only chosen to ignore but also allowed that daughter access to her own patients.

No matter what I look at this naivewife, the mother doesn't come out looking good - she may have treated your husband's withdrawal but she also exposed him either knowingly or unknowingly to abuse by allowing her daughter access to him through her treatment of him.

I do understand that your husband doesn't feel that he's been abused and feels he 'owes' the mother for her treatment of him. But it was still the mother who introduced her daughter into your husband's life when he was vulnerable. She either did that unknowingly in which case she (at least) must be told so that it can't happen again, (even if you don't choose to officially report it) or she did it knowingly in which case she must be reported herself.

C - The fallback will all most likely land on her mother, whom fWH believes is innocent of wrongdoing, was unaware of the situation, and he credits for pretty much saving his life.

D - It's always a possibility he'll change his mind. His IC says it's common for abuse victims to take several years to realize they were abused and get angry and be ready to take action. fWH is obviously torn with this label of "abuse victim" when he is at the same time feeling tremendous guilt and remorse for what he has done. And in the meantime, his poor brain is still recovering.

I think your husband's IC has it right. But in the meantime this mother/daughter team are carrying on...maybe even right now doing it to someone else. I know he doesn't want the fallback to affect the mother - but I can't help thinking that it just has to affect the mother or it will never end. Because it is the mother who is allowing her daughter (mentally ill or not) access to her patients.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1894 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 7

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