My FWSO has been more than transparent, I now even control his iTunes accounts, he is so not tech wise. I can check anything I want email/phone/computer history. I can track his phone. But honestly I haven't had to in quite awhile.
We had an incident when DBC got through the blocks in place when we moved to a new condo. Didn't know you need to reinstate on the move.
Well I was fooling around on computer and decided to just do a check, haven't done one in months. A new number pops up. SO no biggie except the convos were 20/22/27 minutes long and just started right after Christmas. Which was when she broke through the blocks. I have Spokeo so I check and... yep her name comes up.
Please this is not real, OMG please. That was when I left the room. I do have one friend at work who knows, he went through same thing with crazy ex who was a WW. He calls the number and a young guy answers, friend did good job pretending and got that it FWSO's sons phone on his mother's account. FWSO's AP was his xDBC.
Now there is history with this kid that is not good, he was a pawn used by her to slither back into FWSO's life.
So I call FWSO, say nothing, planning to ignite when I get home. FWSO tells me he needs me to know something - brace yourself - he tells me about the calls. Now he has no idea I know, seems the DS reached out to him, he is no longer under her control. He apologized to his father/FWSO . He tells me about all 3 calls that he wasn't sure if he wanted to mend their relationship with what happened, but he agreed to meet DS for dinner. I gotta say my heart sank, I could feel the door opening yet again. He did tell DS that I would need to be present he would not meet him alone. He would not pick him up at the residence he shares with DBC.
I know he is his son, he needs this relationship but OMG my fear is she will again try to open a door & slither in. So I am guessing I need to set ground rules, but can I really do that with his son. Can I tell him the parameters for the reconciliation?
I think that both of you need to sit down and talk about this frankly. You need to let him know what your legitimate concerns are and both of you need to brainstorm to make sure that NC with the OW is maintained. You may need to go along with him to pick up his DS. If the OW refuses to let you be the one at the door to pick up DS, then maybe he needs to stand 5'' away with his phone linked to yours with the speaker setting on so you can hear whatever happens (and be his witness if she claims some sort of BS). Maybe DS can be picked up at a nearby relatives or friend''s house. Both of you brainstorm and see what you can come up with jointly.
[This message edited by Skan at 8:19 PM, January 22nd, 2014 (Wednesday)]
D-Day, June 10, 2012
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
When you can breathe again, THEN start planning what you want.
FWSO tells me he needs me to know something - brace yourself - he tells me about the calls. Now he has no idea I know, seems the DS reached out to him, he is no longer under her control. He apologized to his father/FWSO . He tells me about all 3 calls that he wasn't sure if he wanted to mend their relationship with what happened, but he agreed to meet DS for dinner.
My question would be... was there time between your friends call and your FWSO call and confession for DS to give his dad and heads up?
It seems to be a pretty big coincidence that the call and confession were so closely timed. FWSO had plenty of time to inform and consult with you about this. Infidelity has made me very wary of coincidence.
FWSO should be at the point where he knows 3 significant calls were worthy of informing you about. His considering building a relationship with his son isn't the problem, secrets and lying by omission is. As is, IMO the timely confession.
[This message edited by redrock at 4:11 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]
First DBC = drug bag c***. Her pet name
No there is no way his son would know who called - we work for somewhere that is non-traceable. Also how I found out was seeing the number on his cell log. I check any number more than 2 minutes in coming or outgoing. It has been awhile because it has been really good. This made me go back months - no calls
Sounds like this is an FGO (fucking growth opportunity) to work out the rules jointly with SO.
Second, I am in love with your acronym, sisoon: FGO. Totally fits where I am at.