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I think my ex is losing it. :/

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ruinedandbroken posted 1/22/2014 20:40 PM

During the holidays ex texted me saying he was going to have CS modified because he can't make ends meet. (He's been scrambling since he lost his career job last winter and I think it is finally catching up with him.) I texted him today and told him that his payment was almost a week late and he went off on me..complete with screen shots of his low bank account balance and how he is going to take me back to court and, "What would you like me to do? I can't give you what I don't have!" Like a full-fledged rant of frustration and anger because I dared to ask him where the payment was. I know better than to fuel the fire when he gets like that. (Because I really wanted to tell him that I don't give a crap about his money problems.)

I have a meeting with my attorney in the morning.

I am so completely sick of this.

devistatedmom posted 1/22/2014 20:46 PM

Breathe ruined. You know his money issues aren't your problem. If he's going to file, he's going to file. The courts will solve it. I'm glad you are seeing a lawyer though to cover yourself. :)

scarednbroken posted 1/22/2014 20:52 PM

Sorry to hear about this. His issues are not your probs. he needs to cut his spending elsewhere. IMHO

I have an old story.... (33 yrs ago...)

My dad on my 10th birthday (he was picking my bro and I up for his weekend visit) brought his new son (named JR.) to meet us. He was about 8 mo old. He looked at me and said "you know I now have a new family to support. It's hard work and expensive. Do you think you can ask your mom to accept a lower cs payment for you guys? It would really help me and NW out."

I looked at him and said "I'm sorry. Did having a new kid erase us? Are you less responsible for us as a father? No I WILL NOT ask mom that. If you want her to you ask her. " We had been struggling too. Mom worked two jobs on top of his piddle cs just to make ends meet. Why would we take less?

He was a class a WH jerk. My mom was no saint but she always made sure my bro and I were a priority.

[This message edited by scarednbroken at 8:54 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]

ruinedandbroken posted 1/22/2014 21:10 PM

((scarednbroken))

That is a terrible story. :(


I'm not struggling financially. I mean, I am not rolling in dough and things are tight, but I'm able to pay the bills, buy the kids clothes, and do fun things with them ocassionally. My income has increased quite a bit since CS was set and I know his has decreased. Before I changed jobs though things were really, really tight. I was using credit cards to buy groceries. And if he reduced CS dramatically, I'd probably be close to that again.

The thing that pisses me off is that he was asked to resign due to his bad behavior on the job. And I don't see him cutting any other expenses. He still rents a condo a block from the beach which in turn creates an 80 mile daily commute to his job in his SUV. I can't imagine what his gas must cost him. And in his text tone he was practically screaming at me. WTF have I done to this man and why the fuck won't he just leave me alone!!!! Pay me your CS and get the fuck of of my life!

nowiknow23 posted 1/22/2014 21:15 PM

((((r&b)))) What a whiny entitled jerk.

Gemini71 posted 1/22/2014 22:10 PM

In our state, all payments are garnished and done through the state. I asked what would happen if STBXH loses his job or goes to jail and my lawyer said, "Oh he's still responsible unless and until he goes to court to get it adjusted." It is HIS responsibility to get it adjusted, NOT yours. I think your XH needs to be reminded of that.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/22/2014 22:18 PM

Gemini71, I had the option of doing it through the state and I could smack myself for not doing it that way. I knew he was not the type that would not pay if he had the money. Problem is, I never anticipated that he would lose his job, but I guess I should have known by how he was behaving before all this crap went down.

tesla posted 1/22/2014 22:23 PM

Well fuck that guy.
What an entitled, selfish asshole.

Melody3 posted 1/22/2014 23:15 PM

I'm sorry you are going thru this.

He can modify the divorce decree to have child support revised. It is based upon your income & his. In the state I live, and since I was a paralegal, you just input the #'s and you have your child support figure.

Do you think he would actually take the steps to modify the decree? Go see an attorney or contact the child support recovery unit in your state to do so?

Gemini71 is correct in that it is HIS responsiblity not yours to revise the support order. You can have your attorney run the figures if you know what his income is so you could have an idea and brace yourself knowing what it might be should he take action.

I'm sorry. It just sucks.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/22/2014 23:31 PM

Yes, I think he will modify. I'm just scared about how much it will be modified. I'm finally not feeling strangled financially for once in my life. And I don't want the kids to suffer from this.

And I don't understand why I am always the target of his frustrations. *He* wanted all of this. NOT me. I haven't done anything to him. So what is with all the anger toward me?

Fuck. That. Guy!

suckstobeme posted 1/23/2014 02:44 AM

He can certainly try to modify. However, where I'm from, loss of employment due to "bad behavior" is much different from losing employment because of downsizing or another issue out of the employee's control when it comes to cs calculation and modification. In cases where the loss of the job was due to that person's own fault, the court can choose to impute that same amount of income. The court can also really put the screws to him regarding finding another job with the same or very similar income and can ask him for proof of what he's done to find another job. If he's doing nothing but sitting on his ass and complaining, the court will have zero sympathy for him.

Your L will obviously know best but these are not simple issues and it's likely not something that he will easily modify. It's his fault that he lost a good paying job that allowed him to support his children. Chances are, he will be expected to find another comparable job or else modify his own lifestyle to accomodate the kids' support.

ETA: He's angry because things are not turning out as he wished. He wanted out, but he wanted to leave with all of his money and his reputation in tact. He was living in a fantasy world and instead of blaming the guy who created that ridiculous fantasy, he wants to turn it around on you and the kids. In his twisted mind, you are the obstacle to his happiness. He will never see that he's his own worst enemy and his idea of happiness is a farce. Don't take it personally. Take it as another sign that it's good you are no longer married to a selfish, entitled, nasty man-baby.

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 2:49 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

Vulcanized posted 1/23/2014 03:54 AM

((R&B))

I'm sorry you are going thru this. However, this was his doing, so you are totally right w/FTG!!!

Not your problem.

(((more hugs)))

allyk2014 posted 1/23/2014 09:49 AM

My xwh, left for his best friend's wife, who was also a friend of mine. In the beginning, I could tell he felt bad, told a family member of mine he would always love me and support me, was excellent about child support. Then the two of them got married and he started asking to have child support reduced every time I talked to him, even got an attorney and took me to mediation. I didn't agree. Then I found out his new W was pregnant. Well, no wonder!! When he asked for the final time to reduce it in December, telling me he is broke, can't pay his bills, and went off on me calling me a "B" for not giving in, I text him....

"It's not my problem you knocked up your best friends wife and have to support all of her kids. My kids will not suffer due to your stupid choices."

[This message edited by allyk2014 at 9:50 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

SeanFLA posted 1/23/2014 16:50 PM

He's angry because things are not turning out as he wished. He wanted out, but he wanted to leave with all of his money and his reputation in tact. He was living in a fantasy world and instead of blaming the guy who created that ridiculous fantasy, he wants to turn it around on you and the kids. In his twisted mind, you are the obstacle to his happiness. He will never see that he's his own worst enemy and his idea of happiness is a farce. Don't take it personally. Take it as another sign that it's good you are no longer married to a selfish, entitled, nasty man-baby.

That pretty much sums it up. As I said before, taking you back for CS modification may backfire on him. He could be opening a whole new can of worms for himself and be forced to get another second bartending job and/or be forced to move from his beach digs to be closer to work. Also there is still the fact that he hardly ever has the kids over night as outlined in the decree. Twice a month is a joke. If he has time NOT to have the kids, your lawyer can argue he has ample time to work. Not go out on Friday nights at the beaches.

PurpleRose posted 1/23/2014 17:17 PM

He sure is losing it if he thinks his money problems are because of you.

Did you make those kids on your own? Did you cheat on your family, end up divorcing, and lose your job because you cannot keep your hands to yourself?

NO.

(See what I did there? I wrote a complete sentence - No.)

That's what you tell him when he tries to get you to agree to his pity party. What a Dooosh.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 5:18 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

ruinedandbroken posted 1/26/2014 10:26 AM

Ok. I've comprised this text if/when he contacts me again. What do you think? Should I send it or just give him crickets to whatever he says?


"Child support reduction due to loss of income is not an automatic given. Different factors would be considered, including the reason you resigned from your job in the first place. Any court will tell you that child support is supposed to be paid before any other expense, not last. They aren't going to care about your low bank balances. The court cares about the kids and keeping them in the lifestyle they are used to. They aren't going to concerned about much else and may not have much sympathy for a loss of income that was due to your behavior on the job. Child support is for supporting DS1 and DS2 and it is used 100% for them. It is not for me.

You are wanting me to have sympathy for your situation and agree to a reduction but you text me in threatening, offensive, and condescending tones; the same way you've been treating me for over three years since you walked out and even before that. You haven't shown the smallest amount of concern for anything I've gone through, even though you were the cause of it. The truth is, you turned your back on me completely. So I'm confused as to why you think I would be motivated to make your life easier when you talk to me like trash and you've disregarded my life completely.

A series of your own choices put you where you are right now. I had nothing to do with it. And DS1&DS2 should not have to feel the effects of it either."


Softcentre posted 1/26/2014 10:39 AM

A series of your own choices put you where you are right now. I had nothing to do with it. And DS1&DS2 should not have to feel the effects of it either."


I'd just send this. Too much information about you in the rest of it. He doesn't care.

or else:

Your circumstances & choices have nothing to do with me. Please contact my lawyer with any further communication on this matter.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/26/2014 10:42 AM

Good point Softcentre.

Take2 posted 1/26/2014 10:43 AM

^^this.

Don't give him a target, r&b. Don't pet the drama llama. He won't believe anything you say about it anyway, and/or will want to prove you wrong.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/26/2014 12:44 PM

He won't believe anything you say about it anyway

That is absolutely true. Let him figure it out on his own.

Glad I put it here instead of texting it to him. I tend to get all wordy and then regret it later. If he wants to spend his money to open up the case then let him. He'll find out that it is not as cut and dry as he seems to think it is.

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