BH here.
My W had a one night stand combined with an EA and then lied to me about for three years.
All I can tell you that you need to be cognizant that while you have had a lot of time to deal with this and the path forward may be clearer to you, your BH this is brand new.
In my situation it was the lies that almost ended my M. Not the ONS or EA, but the lies. After some time that will be hardest part for your BH to come to terms with.
Right now the best thing you can do is make sure that anything you do remember is brought out into the open immediately and without prompting. Give give him transparency in all things. Be 100% accountable and make all your communications available to him.
While you may think you have a handle on your whys, justifying them by saying you had a "rough mental patch," won't work with your BH. A lot of people have rough mental patches, but not all of them cheat. Low esteem alone does not explain it either. Chances are there is more which you are not aware of.
My W had Depression which explained her infidelity, but did not excuse it. It was also not the reason she made the choice. Without knowledge of why it was acceptable to make these choices and addressing them in a very concrete way is the only thing that is going to give you the chance of having a happy M again.
If you are looking for positives, I can tell you that the fact your H is still talking to you (even in anger) and has not left are big indications that he is looking for a way to work this out.
His pride, ego, self esteem and narrative of his life are in shambles right now. He does not trust you and wonders if your entire M has been a lie. He feels like you have made a chump out of him and his is second choice.
Correct or not, his feelings are there. The best advice I can give you is to not argue when he brings things up. Just listen and apologize. It is hard and I get how angry he must be. Do not give up, any hesitation on your part is going to give him the final push to walk. Be loving even if he doesn't return it. Think about when you were dating and approach him in a similar way. Right now, showing you love him, choose only him and are committed to fixing this are the only things that will keep him engaged.
A lot of people who have experienced the other side of this soon this will be along soon.
Books I will recommend is the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Another is how to help your spouse to heal from an affair. Buy them, borrow them, let your husband see you read them.
IC for both of you also would be very helpful. MC maybe, but some people, myself included have received mixed results.
Effort counts as much as effect and even if he does not acknowledge it, trust me, he is paying attention and will factor that into his decision.