Things to consider:
Was the A a deal breaker for you ?
Or can you attempt R if your WS is HUGELY remorseful and is trying to make things up to you?
If A was a deal breaker, than staying with a WS, even if remorseful, is still very corrosive to the soul..
Some people HAVE to D when the A is a deal breaker..
They feel a need to get financial and custody issues of living separately ironed out to protect themselves..
D may be their way of reclaiming their dignity and pride ...
Only AFTER a D would these people consider rebuilding a relationship with remorseful WS knowing that a remarriage or living together is off the table for them..
I think your IC may be encouraging you to think of all the things affected by D and get your ducks on a row on these issues prior to bringing D up with your WS..A smart thing to do..
My suggestion to consider is to find a divorce support group IRL and start attending..The advantage to attending a group in your area is that you will learn from other people how the courts and judges tend to do things in your jurisdiction...
If you like the group that you are involved in then you will have a ready made place IRL to vent about D issues.. You will come to realize that these people know exactly what you are saying because they have BTDT...
[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:55 AM, January 24th (Friday)]