"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Decimated posted 1/23/2014 14:29 PM

I was on Facebook the today when I accidentally came across XWW’s, XOM’s picture…with his new girlfriend. As if seeing his stupid, cheating, home wrecking, lying face wasn't bad enough, I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous his new girlfriend was. Yes, she is single…not another married woman. The more I looked at them…all smiles and happy, the more pissed off and depressed I became.

It’s been a year since my divorce was final from XWW and along with that, my hopes and dreams officially destroyed. It’s also been a little over a year since OM’s divorce was final from his BW. Incidentally, OM dumped my XWW just before our D was final.

I am still triggering, an emotional mess, and living with half of what I had before the divorce and this clown has already got a new squeeze and seems to be living the life. OM and my XWW destroyed 2 marriages, 2 loving spouses, and the lives of 5 children. Their affair robbed me of all my self-esteem, confidence, dignity, and pride. Now I couldn't attract a woman if my life depended on it…let alone someone as attractive as OM’s new girl. I have always been an honest, hardworking, faithful guy and to see this has just let whatever wind that was still in my sails, out. I couldn't help but think of how f**king unfair this is. He gets to be happy and have someone new in his life and I get the S**t and get to be alone.

Where the hell is the justice in this world?

As a Christian I should know the answer.

Sorry for venting

MovingUpward posted 1/23/2014 14:38 PM

Gorgeous isn't directly tied to healthy. Try not to read into things that his life is all that awesome or will be all that awesome. It will benefit you greatly to untie yourself to comparing his life to yours based on facebook. Focus on your life. Focus on the good points that have happen and the positive steps that you are taking.

4everfaithful83 posted 1/23/2014 14:42 PM

Sending you some strength...

In my opinion you've got it all wrong!

You are the one who is winning! Because he is the unfaithful lowlife! He is bound to repeat his mistakes and his current relationship is doomed from the start!

You however, can stay true to yourself. Stay that awesome, faithful lover. You will find someone who appreciates all that you are and do!

Hold your head up! You are the better person!

Work on yourself, take a cooking class! Or join the gym! Do something for YOU and you only. The right person will come along. I promise!

StillLivin posted 1/23/2014 14:45 PM

I'm sorry for your pain today.
Broken attracts broken. There is something inherently wrong and damaged with this man. Whomever he is with must also be broken in some way, or through her relationship with him will become broken.
It doesn't matter if she is drop dead gorgeous, something is just off.
Quit looking at his FB. Just...quit. Block him if you must. That is NOT the way to healing. but will only inflict more pain.
Not with my own STBXWH, but with lots of second hand observance, I've seen lots of karma. It didn't always happen right away with the WSs, but it did happen. I spent over 20 years in the military, I've seen a LOT of cheating and I've seen those same cheaters get their just desserts later in life.
Even with my own WS, I hear the whistle blowing, his train wreck is imminent. I almost feel sorry for him. Well, not that sorry!
When you heal, you won't be broken. You will be able to enjoy yourself in just your own company.
He, on the other hand, can NOT be alone. It's because he knows he is a miserable F..., and he is afraid to be alone. He is weak, he is pathetic, and he is utterly disgusting.
(((Decimated)))

StillLivin posted 1/23/2014 14:45 PM

sorry, double post!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 2:58 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

bionicgal posted 1/23/2014 14:45 PM

Look, every day that you wake up and are not him is a victory.

And facebook is notorious for being fake PR for people. I trust little of what is represented there, as it is done to make people appear a certain way.

You do sound depressed, and there is no need for an affair to rob you of all the things you listed. Are you in therapy? You had a bad thing happen to you, but you get to decide what to do with the rest of your life.

Don't let some lowlife dictate how you feel about yourself.

npain posted 1/23/2014 14:58 PM

People often times let you see what they want you to see...we always think they are doing better and that may not be the case. Besides, anyone who is with an unremorseful wayward won't be happy in the long run. That said, you need to block his FB page and concentrate on rebuilding your life. It takes time, baby steps...but you will get there. Concentrate on YOUR healing, take a class, start a hobby, do something for you.

And to another fellow Christian, trust me, justice will come. God has promised his vengeance, he says, I will repay. It often comes once we have healed and moved on with our lives and rebuilt. If not in this life, in the next. Keep your head up..much hugs to you...

64fleet posted 1/23/2014 15:09 PM

there's no justice, IMO-you need to live a good life and quit looking at his. Things will get better.

TrulySad posted 1/23/2014 15:13 PM

You have to remember, he may have a new woman in his life, but he hasn't changed. He's still a shit person living a shit life. And as everyone here is saying... FB is a facade. You see only what someone wants you to see.

I've been down this path with three relationships. If there is one thing I refuse to let my wayward partner do, it's steal my self image and my future.

Please look at your future as a blank canvas. You have the control to paint it however you want to. Trust me on this... I'm 46 and not getting any younger. BUT if this doesn't work out with my WBF, I plan on having an incredible life being single again. His choices aren't a reflection of who I am. Don't get me wrong. I've suffered, and it's taken its toll. I crawled into a hole and cried. This year, I decided to come out of that hole and take back my life.

You can do that... just give yourself the chance. Give someone new the chance...and stay away from FB for a while...

***edited due to horrible spelling

[This message edited by TrulySad at 3:15 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

seenow posted 1/23/2014 15:23 PM

(Not a Christian, although raised one, so I hope I don't offend)

Don't the pearly gates swing wide open for an honest, authentic person? A person who tries to do the right thing in the face of hardships and injustice? Aren't the rewards of heaven worth more than the ones on this planet?

There is more to this mortal coil than what you see on Facebook.

Take a deep breath and know your own strength! You do have it.

tearingaway posted 1/23/2014 15:47 PM

Please refer to what 64fleet said.

There is no justice. Enjoy the fact that you are free from the toxic situation and your XWW!

Decimated posted 1/23/2014 15:52 PM

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

I hope I didn’t come across as a Facebook lurker…I’m not. Facebook is how they re-united from their school days and one of the tools they used to carry on their affair. Actually, I hate Fakebook but my kids are on it and some of my good friends. Believe me, I understand about the Fakebook facade as opposed to reality. Apparently his new girl is friend is friends with someone I know so it appeared on my newsfeed.

Don't the pearly gates swing wide open for an honest, authentic person? A person who tries to do the right thing in the face of hardships and injustice? Aren't the rewards of heaven worth more than the ones on this planet?

I always thought so and most of the time, I still do. Lately I seem to be questioning everything I always believed about my faith. I keep asking questions like “How could my God, whom I have loved and honored all of my life allow this to happen?” and “What good could possibly come from all of this devastation for my children?” “How does any of this honor God?”

I guess I’m having difficult time thinking ahead about the rewards later in Heaven. At this point I’m just hoping for the relief of his grace in the hear and now.

doggiediva posted 1/23/2014 16:46 PM

Please don't believe every thing you see and read on Facebook...I am a daily FB user because that is one of my venues to promote a business that I am trying to get off the ground..So I am very familiar with what people tend to write or post on FB..

Facebook is the popular online gossip mill for many people..It is also the most popular social media to sugar coat a turd..

Don't compare your life with ANY body..Just move forward in baby steps doing what makes you feel whole and healthy..

The heck with what other people think..

Justgreatnews posted 1/23/2014 17:29 PM

I'm all with you on the justice idea. I've thought long and hard on all the unbelievable amount of inequity cheating brings upon the faithful spouse. You just want to spit.

However, could maybe there be some consolation that dickhead also dumped your ex? That his new hot chick will likely tire of his crap and cheat or dump him? The possibilities....

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/23/2014 18:05 PM

((Decimated)) I am so with you on this but let's play a game that helps me.
FB is a picture on the wall. Like any picture depending on where you stand the view changes....so let's change your view.
Fate wanted you to see this picture because you were not seeking it out. Miss Gorgeous was probably in this picture at the same time as your WW. So justice is starting for her. Miss Gorgeous will probably now wreak havoc with this OM if she knew he was already seeing someone else. Then because you were a faithful person who honored your vows and commitments there is another person not yet visible in that picture...a person who will see you for the wonderful person you are. Your WW did not appreciate you but with this small glimpse..you are starting to see your justice and soon your rewards. If you honored your vows your HP saw this.

Jduff posted 1/24/2014 07:34 AM

I tend to think bad Karma has a way of balancing its just punishment according to how much unearned luck the recipient borrows to continue their behavior. The longer they stay out of karma's reach, the more deliciously wicked karma "happens" when it catches up. The best thing about it is that the recipient actually does all the work to make their good or bad karma happen. To all those who were betrayed, good karma comes your way but you have to do the work. Doing the 180 on your WS is the best way to get good Karma built up for you.

Ostrich80 posted 1/24/2014 11:35 AM

Facebook is an illusion of the perfect life. I know ppl that put things that I Know are lies but ppl who don't know them would be envious of their presumed good fortunes. He will more than likely cheat on the new hottie, then move on to another

karmahappens posted 1/24/2014 11:42 AM

Justice comes down the road.

When one finds healing, growth, a state of happiness by being "just me".

When the unremorseful wayward doesn't their life continues on an empty, unfulfilled path.

You don't see it all the time. Those who are unhappy and searching for empty ways to fill the void don't show their emptiness to the world, but they live with it deep in their soul.

Work on your happy and you will find your peace.

phoenixrise posted 1/24/2014 12:04 PM

Remember why you left him...it won't last...all that pain is in her future...I would focus on you and stop letting it eat you alive...im sure it will get around once you post a pic of you and your new main squeeze ...let her take the shit trophy she deserves it for being with such a man and dont worry...it won't last...you dodged a bullet...think of was misery he put you through and how miserable you still would be if you hadn't got rid of all that dead weight...hugs