*Finding my strength*
Hang in there -- at one week I could barely function. I suggest getting "Not Just Friends" and finding a MC, if you can.
I am guessing this is how your spouse handles stressful things. Now is a good time to change your communication styles to something that works for both of you.
If he had an industrial accident that ripped off his penis, would he want you joking about it while he was still bleeding? Doubt it.
H and I also use humor in coping. Still, almost 8 years out and we don't joke about it. Ever. Nor can I foresee a time that I would be okay with it. We do kid about our progress, but the affair itself? I don't think so sparky.
At a week out? nope.
This is a trigger-thing for me.
FWH would turn aside all serious attempts to connect with humor. He would PA try to score points on you with cruel humor. He would use humor to gage how much you were paying attention when he tried to slip something by you. And he would grin-fuck you saying whatever you needed/wanted to hear in a jovial way, while thinking No Fucking Way Am I Going To Do That in his mind, so as to keep you off of his back.
One of the things that attracted us to each other was our senses of humor. One of the things that is a trigger to me is that sense of humor right now. One of the things that we are fighting to create balance for, is what, exactly is a healthy sense of humor. Because I refuse to let any of that shit go by any more.
His joking of the A is him dis-respecting your feelings and minimizing the effects of the A. As if, if it's sorta funny, then it can't be bad now, can it?
Call him on that and nip that right in the bud. Its about as funny as having him served with divorce papers during his mother & father's anniversary dinner.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I don't see this as a situation where you need to sit down and have a 'hearts & flowers' talk about your feelings. Even if the joking around is a coping mechanism for him (and it does seem to be), it is disrespectful of your feelings. Disrespect should not be treated lightly....he has disrespected you enough already.
Use your actions first....and then, at a later time, if he comes to you about it, have *the talk*.
[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 11:36 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.