Anyway, sorry if tmi, but I'm about to start, have PMS and just really emotional this week. Even though we are 7 months out from dday, I start feeling like I have all these questions this week.
One of the things I found out on dday was the first time FWH and OW were physical, he did not wear a condom because it wasn't planned. They had sex 5 more times after that day and he did have a condom. I asked him today how he had one the next times and he said he told her after the first time he was unprepared and wanted to have them for the next time. Ok, this is not a huge revelation, but for some reason it hit me so hard today- he planned to have sex with her again immediately afterwards. I don't know why this is hitting me so hard now. I have known about the other times, but today it just hits me so hard that he planned on having more. I'm just sick. Sick, sick, sick...
"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Everyone says we're still in the early stages at 7 months out, there's a lot to process. Be kind to yourself on these difficult days. Get take out and stay in bed or whatever feels like self care.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
WTF. You planned to use the whole box? I wonder how long it lasted, and now I feel like I have to ask if he bought a SECOND box..............
When he told me lovely piece of information, I went right back to square one, again.
The TT is gonna be the death of this marriage. Who are you really protecting?
Trust is earned, respect is given, & loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one is to loose all three.
Ambergray, when we hear the details, that is how we feel -- gutted. Ill. Like we can never love this person. . .touch this person (!), again. How could we? It is too much to handle.
But, our brains and our psyches are amazing, healing organisms. Every time the WS tells the truth, is remorseful, and helps us through the quagmire - we get stronger, and we (hopefully) get closer. The pain will lessen. There are things my H told me early on that made me so disgusted that I thought I might throw up - and so hurt I thought my heart might just stop. But, time goes on, and some of these things I can even (if you can believe it) laugh about now. Time and perspective.
Sending healing vibes your way -- it will get better.
About the condom, although this isn't going to feel positive given how much you're hurting, it actually is a positive that your WH moved to wearing a condom.
Seriously, even if people start with condoms when they're having an A, they usually quickly move away from them. It's a plus (I know, a very small plus) that your WW did that.
My WW did the opposite. Grrrr.
(Very small) praise for him.
I do remember (like it was yesterday) 2 mos after Dday, finding a new box of condoms in the trunk of WH's car that he had bought to use with her---a couple were missing. The receipt from the drugstore was still in the bag, & I was able to piece together that he had had sex with her on a Friday night, come home & gotten into bed with me ( I have since asked if he showered before getting into bed with me, but he doesn't remember), then on Saturday morning we all (WH, I & the 4 kids) went for a family dentist appt. After the appt, he drove our younger son someplace, & stopped in the drugstore next door to where our son was dropped off. So, the entire time that he was sitting next to me in the dentist's waiting room, he was planning how right after the appt he was going to buy condoms to use with her.
This is the man who I stood together with, so many years ago, in front of family, friends, & clergy & said marriage vows with.
It hurts. I know.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 8:16 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]