For the first 3+ years, I felt like I had a calendar implanted in my mind. I knew dates like my very existence depended on them...and sometimes I felt like I needed to remember them, and sometimes I loathed that I could. I'm sure it didn't help that my deceased mom and dad's wedding anniversary also happened to be Dday 2. I can honestly say that now, the actual date of Dday 1 is accessible if I really concentrate on finding it, and of course Dday 2 is always readily accessible but more because of my parents' anniversary than my Dday.
Those impossibly painful days are naturally going to haunt you for some time; how long they do so is unique to each individual. That pain is inescapable and IMHO, I think it's part of the journey that has to be dealt with in order to ever find your way to the other side. I wouldn't judge myself for feeling poleaxed, furious, devastated, etc. about them. I'd try to accept that they and the emotions they evoke are normal, but that doesn't mean that I will be captive of them forever. As time (jeez, I hate that word) passes, and you work through the chaos and pain your H's A created, you'll find those days easier to manage. You'll also find your response to them is more controllable, and that the time they haunt you decreases. As an important note, it all moves so very much quicker and smoothly (if there is such a concept after such devastation) if, and only if, your spouse is fully committed to and engaged in his and your healing. All the requirements of R, have to be in place in order to really work your way through this time. Hang in the and know you're not alone.