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Newest Member: ChaosRider (45729)

User Topic: The anniversary
Hurtandhealer
♀ 41022
Member # 41022
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I had 2 d-days: 2/1/13 when I found out he was having an inappropriate relationship (sending pictures, kissing) and he promised he would stop, and 6/19/13 when I found out that it hadn't stopped and turned into a full blown affair. Our twins were 5 weeks old when I found this out. I have an excellent memory and sometimes it's great, but sometimes it's terrible because I can't FORGET. They first started talking at his Christmas party in 2012 and met up in secret and kissed on 1/26/13. I was doing okay last September through December, but now that we're in the middle of the 1 year anniversary of his affair, I can't stop thinking about it! 1/26 is such a painful day for me because that was not only a day that met up, it was also the day he sent text messages to her sister saying how much he cared about her. Wasn't just having fun or screwing, truly loved her. Does anyone else have this inability to forget dates?


2/1/13 - 1st Dday - WH claims it is only an EA with coworker and it will end
6/19/13 - It never ended, it turned into a PA, but NOW it's really over.....he says
Married 7 years, together 11 years
3 children - 4 years, and 13 month old twins

Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2013
lostworld
♀ 19197
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the first 3+ years, I felt like I had a calendar implanted in my mind. I knew dates like my very existence depended on them...and sometimes I felt like I needed to remember them, and sometimes I loathed that I could. I'm sure it didn't help that my deceased mom and dad's wedding anniversary also happened to be Dday 2. I can honestly say that now, the actual date of Dday 1 is accessible if I really concentrate on finding it, and of course Dday 2 is always readily accessible but more because of my parents' anniversary than my Dday.

Those impossibly painful days are naturally going to haunt you for some time; how long they do so is unique to each individual. That pain is inescapable and IMHO, I think it's part of the journey that has to be dealt with in order to ever find your way to the other side. I wouldn't judge myself for feeling poleaxed, furious, devastated, etc. about them. I'd try to accept that they and the emotions they evoke are normal, but that doesn't mean that I will be captive of them forever. As time (jeez, I hate that word) passes, and you work through the chaos and pain your H's A created, you'll find those days easier to manage. You'll also find your response to them is more controllable, and that the time they haunt you decreases. As an important note, it all moves so very much quicker and smoothly (if there is such a concept after such devastation) if, and only if, your spouse is fully committed to and engaged in his and your healing. All the requirements of R, have to be in place in order to really work your way through this time. Hang in the and know you're not alone.


Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
R'd
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 820 | Registered: Apr 2008
VeryUncertain
♀ 37845
Member # 37845
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you. In fact, I was just going to post something similar.

1/26 is my birthday. WH was abroad with OW this time last year. He came home and we had an amazing dinner out the following Saturday (2/2). We had a Super Bowl party Sunday 2/3 and proceeded to get in an argument. He said he was leaving me and did follow through 2/4.

He has since come back but when I said tonight that I really hoped the next 2 weekends were amazing he had no idea what I was talking about.

I explained it and let it go. But really? No idea? I'm sure these dates will become less horrific to me over time but yes everything is seared in my mind at the moment.

Annoying. Especially annoying that he has no clue. But anyway - as you can see I completely understand!! (I can pretty much give you the whole timeline with accurate dates from memory - talk about trauma. )


BS (Me): 38
WH: 43
2 beautiful, precious daughters: 4 & 2
Found out early Aug. 2012, separated 2/4/13, in R (?) since 7/2013.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: MD
Topic Posts: 3

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