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Reconciliation :
Trying something new. Serious Mojo needed.

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 HeartInADustpan (original poster member #38341) posted at 12:58 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Been awhile since I've posted. Read everyday, but literally have nothing different to say. If I did reply or post a topic, you would have been able to go back in my archives and read the same thing almost verbatim. Nothing new, same thing, same...same...same. I'm in a loop. A very excruciating loop and have been for a lot longer than I've even realized.

I read a ton. I've read every recommended book I've heard on SI. Then I found Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing and there I was in black and white. Now I don't necessarily think it is stemming is entirely from KB, but my previous M to XH#1 which ended because of infidelity. I'm sure I stuffed a lot of that before even meeting KB. He was just the straw that broke my back.

Anyway, I'm off to my first PTSD therapy in 5 minutes. I'm scared. I hate doctors. I hate disclosing stuff to strangers. I hate pills. I hate everything to do with with this. I have to get out of this loop though. I've already taken one xanex and am seriously considering taking another when I get there.

Please SI family...I don't ask for much, but I need some serious mojo.

Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

posts: 379   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2013   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6653446
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Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 12:59 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

I hope this is the ticket, Heart! Good luck.

Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

posts: 8016   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2011
id 6653453
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AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 1:01 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Prayers on their way.

BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"

posts: 2859   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2012
id 6653461
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unfound ( member #12802) posted at 1:08 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

((heart))

it IS scary, but you won't be in there alone . Mojo coming your way.

ka-mai
*************
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

posts: 14949   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2006   ·   location: mercury's underboob
id 6653475
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ILINIA ( member #39836) posted at 1:51 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Here's some more mooooojjjjjoooooo!

Read PISD as well. Personally, the acronym appeals to me because I AM pissed

posts: 930   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2013
id 6653528
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njgal480 ( member #24938) posted at 2:04 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dr. Ortman was extremely helpful for me as well.

I was definitely traumatized by the LTA.

IC helped me so much. We addressed the trauma as well as everything else I was dealing with post d-day. I also went to a therapist for EMDR therapy specifically for the PISD.

The first few sessions were a little rough (because you have to delve into your trauma). But it did help me.

Sending mojo your way.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.

posts: 3174   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2009   ·   location: NJ
id 6653546
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AML04 ( member #39682) posted at 2:21 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Best wishes Heart!!!

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

posts: 876   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2013   ·   location: MA
id 6653568
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20WrongsVs1 ( member #39000) posted at 2:36 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

You know the definition of bravery, right?

Being afraid and saddling up anyway.

You're a courageous woman!

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
Former motto: "Fake it till ya make it." Now: "You can't win if you don't play."

posts: 1523   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2013   ·   location: The First Coast
id 6653589
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DixieD ( member #33457) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Sending you tons of mojo Heart.

I remember feeling exactly the same way. Nervous and untrusting of the medical profession -- they had failed me in so many ways before -- and I was soooo angry that I had to go and do this because of what my husband did!! It was so unfair. My husband's affair was the last straw for me too.

EMDR helped me more than I can say. It was a life-saver for me.

I remember the PISD book too. It is good. However when I got to the part about forgiveness, anger welled up inside of me and I tossed the book across the room. I took that as a sign I was not ready to get that part yet.

Good luck with everything.

Growing forward

posts: 1767   ·   registered: Sep. 27th, 2011
id 6653600
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 2:45 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Major MOJO for you! And loads of (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6653602
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 HeartInADustpan (original poster member #38341) posted at 3:41 AM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Just an update. We talked for almost 1 1/2 hours getting background and such. He thinks I've spent most of my life around too many narcissistic people (DUH!), but was surprised how knowledgeable I was on the "instructional" process of healing from infidelity (thank SI and a dozen books for that. ) He pretty much ruled out depression based on how I explained my cycles and is considering EMDR and Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation as treatment options right now. I am nervous. I'd like to be optimistic, but...

Thanks for all the MOJO. It helped get me through knowing people who didn't know me from Sam were rooting for me.

Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

posts: 379   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2013   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6653664
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:55 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Hang in there, Heart. Healing thoughts on their way to you.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31127   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 6654123
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refuz2bavictim ( member #27176) posted at 3:14 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Sending lots of mojo for the right treatment and healing.

Foresight is 2020

posts: 2414   ·   registered: Jan. 12th, 2010
id 6654169
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steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 3:35 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

Just bought the book for my ipad.

Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"

posts: 2303   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Kentucky
id 6654201
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 11:53 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2014

What a great, long talk for a first session! Can't wait to hear what you have to say after the next session!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6655029
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