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Saw OW for first time

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totallyconfused1 posted 1/23/2014 19:42 PM

It's been 15 days since DD.

Never knew who she was - looked her up on FB in case I ran into her at the gym where I drop my dd off.

Was there with ws and son tonite to watch our dd, and waaayyyy on the other side I could see this woman exercising. Right in the middle of all the traffic - like a tramp. Sticking her ass out and doing those doggie style leg lifts (you know, the ones most women don't like to do in public ...), chatting it up with all the men going by. It was so extreme and exaggerated it was almost comical.

Anyways, I just knew that had to be her. I asked ws, and he said yes.

Man I wanted to kick him in the ass and stomp over and kick her in the ass too.

I was so upset - cried quietly most of the ride home. WS held my hand, then asked me when we got home if I was ok. Um, yeah, fantastic. You hooked up with that HO. I feel great. Idiot.

I had all these visions of what I would say if I ever saw her, but that went down the drain as I wanted to get the hell outta there. She didn't see us - back was away. I don't think she knows who I am - I don't have my pic on FB. Not sure if I want her to know.

Anyways, been reading lots on here, especially the threads with the bulls eyes, and rereading the healing library. Really helping me so just wanted to say thanks to all who post their experiences. Nice to be able to vent with those who get it.

tryingagain74 posted 1/23/2014 19:48 PM


It's a punch in the gut the first time you see "it." I'm glad that you didn't go kick her in the arse though, as much as she deserved it.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things on SI. I know it might not sound possible, but you will get through this. I'm over two years out now, and when I see the AP, I no longer have a visceral reaction. I just try not to roll my eyes and smirk in front of the kids since I think she's such a joke.

You'll get there, too.

Lovedyoumore posted 1/23/2014 20:50 PM

I absolutely loath the OW. I knew her so no surprise about what she looked like, but the first time I saw her after DDay was excruciating. I died a little that day. It may be to your advantage that she does not know who you are. It sounds like you were very brave. Crying des not mean you are not strong.

It sounds like she is a gym rat skank. So sorry you have to be near her.

Dawn58 posted 1/23/2014 22:53 PM

The first time I saw the OW, she was with my STBX. They were at a charity event for an organization that I volunteer at. What hurt the most, was watching the two of them leave together. It felt like another knife went through my heart that day.

My friends at the event told me that she was ugly, looked like a whore and that I was much prettier. I am sure they told me that so I would feel better, but it only made me feel worse. Why would a man dump a wife that loved him for some ugly skank? Okay, she has big boobs........She's the new toy. Made me realize that it really doesn't matter who he is with, he only views a person in terms of what they will give him, as long as they give him the attention he demands, it doesn't matter. She will be his fourth wife, and she will be the fourth wife he cheats on......

Mamabears posted 1/24/2014 04:22 AM

I haven't seen the OW and I'm not sure if I want to as like you I have all these things I would say but I know I would probably just end up cooling off in a cell somewhere!

My WS says she was nothing and he didn't even fancy her that much and like the story above I think so it was just anyone rather than me? Are you for real!! I can't believe they think this BS helps!

Sending hugs and wanting to say well done. It took great courage to maintain such dignity - especially I front of your children! It's a major hurdle and you survived x

ShedSomeLight posted 1/24/2014 05:59 AM

I can relate to your reaction. First time I saw the OW was in court. The OW stalked me and I have a real life "Fatal Attraction" ! I found out who the OW was when her identity was revealed by law enforcement. She stalked me for months by phone. When law enforcement gave me her name...he confessed !!! I now in court because she stalked me by phone, email, mail and sat in front of our house. He got a restraining order...but she continued the stalking and she now has 4 felonies!!! He had suspected it was her...but she denied it. I have an Attorney that he hired for me....and I went to court the first time just with my Attorney. The OW hung her head. She would not look at me. I wanted to rip her throat out !!! She is not attractive. It took months for her to finally get arrested. The Police can write reports...but they have to be approved by a Judge and then the arrest warrants go out. This took two months !!! At the first court date...I felt strong with my attorney, but when I got home I cried a lot. It was very emotional. With all the felonies she has...not sure how long I will be in court...but she could end up in jail !!! Hang in there... HUGS

totallyconfused1 posted 1/24/2014 07:38 AM

I think the worst part was seeing what a great body she had. No denying that. At least in my head I could pretend she was a fat ho ... I just saw the back of her, so I will pretend she looks like the elephant man from the front ...

I did tell my ws that if I had a rich husband and could pay for daycare to go to the gym, or get a personal trainer, or buy lulu lemon gym wear, I could look like that too. or if I had 1 kid that was 17 and had lots of spare time on my hands.

She's older - I'd peg her closer to 50. So she's probably got a lot of wrinkles too.
Anyways, she's still pathetic.

SadInNC posted 1/24/2014 08:07 AM

Sounds like she is desperate and throwing herself at anything with a penis at the gym! I am so sorry that you had to even see her at all. If I were you, I would never go back to that gym again and for sure neither would my husband! Stay strong because you are the authentic love in his life. The real woman.

Stillhurting2 posted 1/24/2014 18:16 PM

When I saw the other woman I laughed out loud in the vehicle. I went to his job sight and she was there. He pointed her out to me. She was in the smoking area which is odd he detests smoking. She also weighs about 40ibs more than I do. That is the reason I did not suspect anything when she became a friend on Facebook. All I can think of is she must be able to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

TryingToReboot posted 1/24/2014 19:15 PM

They're all trolls!

Dare2Trust posted 1/25/2014 00:39 AM


Your WH doesn't know how old this OW is?

She's older - I'd peg her closer to 50. So she's probably got a lot of wrinkles too.

totallyconfused1 posted 1/25/2014 07:54 AM

Unfortunately I can't avoid going to that facility. My daughter trains there 5 days a week! And going somewhere else is not an option - next closest place is a city 8 hrs away. :) I'm very involved in her club - on the board of directors, etc.

The gym/track part is on another side. We don't work out at that gym. Just once in a while we may go run the track while our dd is training if we didn't get a chance to get to our own gym. Obviously that won't be happening anymore. It's a separate section on the other side, so we have no reason to go over there.

And no, he doesn't know how old she is. Didn't even know her last name til I told him. Or so the story goes ...

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