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Newest Member: nashter (45713)

User Topic: What to do?
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so here goes

I'm married of 15 years, have 6 children to my husband, the youngest 5 weeks old.

I believe he is cheating. He works 25 min from home yet it's been taking over 2.5 hours to get home... And he gets home within 10 minutes each day... Although his reasons for being late are varied each day... From traffic to having a cuppa to training. He works night, 12 hour shifts and by law is not allowed to go over 12 hours. He has this male colleague he has started visiting after work, for 3-4 hours at a time. He never talks about this friend.
His phone is always on silent, hides it when I walk in, cracks it if kids touch it, is always in his pocket. Has a new Facebook (female)friend whom just went on hol to Bali. Interestingly while she was away everything was fantastic....... Last week he shows me a gift he got from a workmate... (After getting home 3 hours late) then I ask oh who...he doesn't say then 5 min later announces a name (mans) which he clearly made up.

He was getting home 3 hours late every day for a week when I asked why are you late he gave me excuses then said I'm not having an affair if that's what you think.....

Well I didn't but after the past week ( since I found out about the friend) I am pretty sure.

I have found out where she lives, should I go there when I think he's there (or am I going to be crazy woman)

I want to confront him but think he'll deny it... If I confront him with proof there's no denying it


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry don't know how to edit...

He is not late home once or twice a week now (Saturday being one of the days)

I work but am currently on leave and don't know how I will support myself if he leaves


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Stillhurting2
♀ 42191
Member # 42191
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband was behaving the exact same way with his phone. He was having an affair. He was so protective about the phone that I waited until he was asleep and read his text messages. I have waited outside places before to see if he was cheating. The person he cheated with was a woman that suddenly became a friend on Facebook .
There is a service called spy. Maybe that will help.

BS married 29 years
DD July 7 2014
R


Posts: 10 | Registered: Jan 2014
dmg35
♂ 41552
Member # 41552
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife was very protective of her phone as well all of a sudden, it was not her norm usually to be so protective of her phone until her A started.

I installed life 360 on both of our phones and it shows where her phone is pretty darn accurate... I checked her phone the morning of DD and it was off, I turned it on and boom there were the chats on words with friends from her AP.....

Good luck and stay vigilant as he is definitely cheating on you one way or another with coming home late having a female friends on Facebook that is not friends with you, getting gifts, lying to you....

Sorry for your pain and to find you here but this is a great place to get some great advice and to have your deepest questions answered..


Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: north east
twillett333
♀ 42121
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH did the same thing. Phone always on silent, always in his pocket, he would go outside to make phone calls, always on fb or texting or whatever. Anytime I would call he would NEVER answer, he would always call back a few min later sometimes not at all and he would just text me saying he was busy at work or something.
He started being late coming home or would have to run up to work for some "reason". He would go to the store for hours, the "gym" for five or six hours sometimes till 5:30 in the morning or he would be at a "friends" house hanging out and would have to stay over because he was drunk.
He started pushing me away and picking fights with me over stupid stuff. I knew in my heart he was having an A. So I waited until he was asleep and went through his phone. That's when I found out about the A.
Maybe you can do the same, just wait till he is asleep and do some digging. I really hope its only a suspicion and he isn't actually cheating on you!


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Put a GPS device on his car.

And just fyi....

he gave me excuses then said I'm not having an affair if that's what you think.....

....My Dday -- I stumbled across my stbx's *secret* email account and he ripped his laptop from my hands. He went into the bedroom, I went into the kitchen to wash up the last few dishes of the day. He came out, looked me in the eye, and said "I don't have a girlfriend."

Oh, Yes. He did. More than one, in fact.

Your husband answered a question that wasn't asked, with no prompting. He's definitely up to *no good*.

Keep your mouth shut and GPS his car.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 3:38 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thankyou for your replies... I asked him today is he coming straight home (the answer was I think so) and who is "she" and he looked away from me and said "I don't know anyone by that name" I (lied) and told him he was saying it in his sleep and he looks away and said I don't know anyone with that name. I told him he had a Facebook friend which get mumbled something and then had to go to work... I feel so bad to go through his phone. Ironic I know given what he's doing (probably)


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
KatieG
♀ 41222
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadmumma, I felt guilty too, but shouldn't have. You can cover your tracks and keep looking.

I would caution at revealing too much of what you know at this stage though, especially phone/computer stuff.


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 503 | Registered: Nov 2013
UpInTheAirNow
♂ 37777
Member # 37777
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to be in stealth mode. Don't confront till you have proof. Get a VAR and put it in his car. Monitor phone and home computer. Put a key logger on home computer and some kind of tracking device on his phone. If you tell him what your up to he will destroy evidence and you may never know the truth.
Others will be along to advise you. You are in the right place. Glad you found us.


ME 44
WW 50
DDay 6/13/12
Married 17 years, together 27 yrs.
Its a deal breaker!

Posts: 193 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NY
stunnedin12
♀ 38141
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go through his phone AND write down every phone number, THEN verify that number actually belongs to the person listed.

Ask me how I know to do that


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 486 | Registered: Jan 2013
TryingToReboot
♂ 42125
Member # 42125
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine's has been completely different. WW did the online thing for about a month, completely behind my back. When I found out she been rather brazen about the affair shoving it in my face with phone calls and texting. She won't leave and tries to push my buttoms all the time. I've been doing the 180 and am starting to become numb to her behavior. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm strong enough to shove it back at her......

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Grand Rapids
Topic Posts: 11

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