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AndreaL posted 1/23/2014 20:48 PM

So, each day gets a little easier, meaning I'm not an emotional mess that I no longer cry in the grocery store with people staring me. But I have become enraged with the ow. She's a whore!!! I want to run her over. I am the most calm person normally but I am consumed by this slut! I just don't understand people who get involved with married men, I just don't! This woman tried to steal my husband and make him her new baby daddy. I just ache for my children, I can't say I regret marrying him, as I feel that would be like regretting my children, but I am so angry. I uses to be 'normal', now I'm on antidepressants and am seeing a therapist. Is this my new life?

Can someone tell me when they start to feel like a version of their old self? I just want to be me again. I hate that my husband did this to me, and by virtue of HIS choice. Not to me to mention I think he has cracked because he hates himself. I just want to run away and move to a new city.

4everfaithful83 posted 1/23/2014 20:58 PM

I can totally relate!!

It def. sucks not to feel like yourself! I too sometimes feel like I'm not me. These thoughts usually end in me being even more pissed at my WBF, because he made me this way!

I'm about 7 months from DDAY and I can say that it does get better with time. I realize that sometimes hearing that doesn't help at all because you feel like time is going at a snails pace...but it really does.

I definitely do not feel the same as I did in the beginning, or even a month ago. Every day is a struggle, I have good days and then I have bad days.

Are you guys in MC?

SadInNC posted 1/23/2014 20:58 PM

I am with you! I just joined this site and wrote my first post tonight. It's the one "My Husband Cheated when my mother was dying." I am also very angry. I am not on an antidepressant but I went to the doc and she gave me xanax and sleeping pills for the past few weeks. If I could afford a therapist, I would totally go! I'm glad that you can do that. I am still living with my husband but it is literally a roller coaster. You may have chosen the better path. I wish you goodness, healing and truth :)

AndreaL posted 1/23/2014 21:03 PM

We are not in MC because I am so angry. I can't even think about reconciling with him. He wants to but I am so angry. I hate him. How did this happen to me?

EB1541 posted 1/24/2014 15:15 PM

I am with you. Some days I feel like it would just be easier if I could just forget everything that happened. But i know that won't do any good. Just hang in there. Your life will be what you make it! It's a lot easier said then done.. ((hugs)) I'm sorry you are here.

AndreaL posted 1/24/2014 15:39 PM

I'm sorry for all of us 😞 my WS just picked up the kids to take them for an early dinner and they were crying because they didn't want to go. They are so confused and I feel like such a shitty mother. Going to be another long night...I can't take much more of this and I'm on antidepressants!

Uhtred posted 1/24/2014 18:44 PM

I totally get where you are coming from. I too have the same pain and feelings as you. I am fortunate that my wife is trying hard and doing all the right things.

I totally get the hatred toward the other person. My new counselor said something to me today that I'm going to try and keep with me.

She said by allowing them to consume your thoughts you are allowing them to win. I was able to confront the other man and maybe that's why I'm slowly letting him be a distant memory in my mind.

With that said I wouldn't pull him from a burning car. I'd probably get a bag of marshmellows out and enjoy the roast.

AndreaL posted 1/24/2014 18:56 PM

I think I'm coming unglued...i really do. I hate myself and I hate my life. My therapist says take one day at a time but I consumed by my thoughts. I want to move...every time I drive by the hospital my husband works at I start shaking. I just want to be me again. How do people survive this? Because maybe I am to weak. I always thought I was strong but this may be too much for me.

TryingToReboot posted 1/24/2014 19:02 PM

I agree with you all, this is such BS!! I find myself really hating both the AP and my WW. I just can't believe how much WW has changed from a few months ago. I wonder not, what rock did she crawl out from under. And AP, I can only hope that someday this shit blows up in their faces like an A-bomb... and they deserve much worse!!!

AndreaL posted 1/24/2014 19:04 PM

Totally. I just want revenge...and I'm not that person. I need to get my act together because I'm scared I'll be headed to the nut house soon. I literally am obsessing.

AndreaL posted 1/24/2014 19:06 PM

Btw...did anyone develop OCD when finding out about the affair? I keep looking in my house for evidence multiple times a day, all day long. I'm obsessed!!!!

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