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mj052 posted 1/23/2014 21:37 PM

And I'm trying not to appear that way- but I can barely be civil to my wh of 24 years!!!!

January 13- I put a var in his car on a whim- I haven't used it in months- I thought we were trying to r- but I guess I was the only one who was serious!!

D-day was May 2012- the woman who he was speaking with was not his ap but another woman who was quite familiar with where he worked five years ago- maybe a co-whore- and she had no idea where he'd been working for the last year!!! Great- another one!! I heard her say over the phone "I love you!" He said "me too!"

I'm keeping that information to myself as I line up my ducks!!! I can't believe that he wasted over 20 months of my life!! I'm so going to blindside him!! I saw an attorney last August just in case!!

The hardest part is pretending that I don't know!! He tried to snuggle with me this morning and gave me these puppy dog eyes!!! Blah- he makes me sick!!! What am I going to tell my sixteen year old son!?! How do you say their father is a pos!?!

[This message edited by mj052 at 10:22 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/23/2014 22:12 PM

I am so sorry for you. It hurts so bad. It infuriates you to see him acting so loving when you know what he is doing. I held my tongue for 2 months & finally could not take it when I heard him bad mouthing me to his family so I sent them copies of his credit card showing the charges for the escorts. I should not have tipped my hand so soon. Control your anger. You're doing good gathering info. Hard on you. I feel so bad for you right now. You just wonder how some of these WS's can play us like this. Be strong. My thoughts are with you.

jemimapd posted 1/23/2014 22:22 PM

I don't believe that the last 20 months were wasted. He wasted them but you didn't. You can look yourself in the mirror and say that you did everything you could to save your marriage. I spent nearly a year trying to reconcile and I do not regret it. It only proved to me that I was a class act and my WH was a lying, cheating idiot.

You have to play a long game. The decisions you make now will impact you for a long time, financially and in terms of your children. Keep that in mind. Keeping cool, gathering information, visiting different attorneys and getting the advantage of surprise will pay off. My WH could not afford an attorney for a contested divorce whereas I had planned for one.

And it is a long game in terms of these OW, too. See how he likes his silly flirty telephone conversations when he is a single man, going back to his microwave meal. It isn't so much fun when there's no wife sitting at home. He's on borrowed time but only you know that.

mj052 posted 1/23/2014 22:55 PM

I'm sitting in my closet listening to my son singing in the shower- like he doesn't have a care in the world!! It absolutely breaks my heart!!:( Soon- I'll have to tell him the truth!! He's going to be devasted!! How could the pos do this to us!!

The only way that I stay sane and cope- I've been cleaning the toilet with wh's toothbrush!! I know it's juvenile but it always puts a smile on my face!! If he only knew!!:)

[This message edited by mj052 at 11:10 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

SBB posted 1/23/2014 23:03 PM

^^I'm still wondering why I never thought of that!

My mum is in his home every second Tuesday night (it's her day with the girls) - I would bet my right arm she does it.

Talk about snuggle proofing.

I know you're in shock right now and cannot believe this is happening but the shock will abate. Keep your head

GreatRoleModel posted 1/24/2014 08:45 AM

Jem is absolutely right that you did not waste trying to R and you can hold onto that when you tell your son that you HONESTLY tried to save the family. I did the same thing and it brought great comfort when we told the kids and still does to this day over 1 1/2 years out.

Also you deserve to be juvenile if it makes you cope and get a laugh out of it...wish I had thought of it I remember another member share the story of washing her X's jeans in hot water so he thought he was gaining weight, priceless.

(((mj052))) Stay strong.