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"Our" OW???!!

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cantgetup posted 1/23/2014 21:53 PM

I've been here on this site for a bit. There has been one recurring thing that gets my gut worked up and makes me want to turn away and cringe.

Referring to THE ow as OUR ow. For those of you who use this term, I'm so very curious why, if anyone wouldn't mind sharing.
Your choice of words? WS choice of words? reconciliation phraseology? What?

Personally, IMO, in my case only: this is such an offensive way to referr to the OW and I find it so disrespectful to the situation. There would be no way in hell I would ever give my WH the courtesy of calling her "our" OW. Like I would refer to our home, our kids our dog. Our OW? WTF? And if he continued to include her with anything that had to do with US...well let's just say I wouldn't be very happy.

Clarrissa posted 1/23/2014 22:44 PM

I think it may be like shorthand. Instead of saying "The OW in our situation" or "My WHs OW" it's just easier to say "Our OW."

Lovedyoumore posted 1/24/2014 00:10 AM

I have used the term. I really have not thought about it. I guess it is to say ours as opposed to yours. I do not know if she is his, mine or ours. The other woman does not hold a place in our family, but she does hold an oppositional place to our marriage. So, in the realm that she affected our marriage, she is sometimes our OW.

steadfast1973 posted 1/24/2014 06:20 AM

We removed the possessive pronoun. She is THE OW or AP... Or "the prostitute". Between me and him, though, they are "derpy face" and "cootie snatch". At least, I call them that.

bionicgal posted 1/24/2014 07:11 AM

You know, lately I have caught myself wanting to write that, and questioned myself on it. Really, I think it is just expediency....instead of saying "the OW in our situation" or " my H's OW, " it is easier to say "our OW." The former is usually what I mean.

I can see where it would rankle, though.

hurting7897 posted 1/24/2014 08:13 AM

I have never used "our OW" but I may as well have since we were "swingers' and my H and I both had a relationship with her. Only I had no idea they had been having an EA/PA behind my back as well that started 16 years prior.


DixieD posted 1/24/2014 08:25 AM

I think I used that early on and then it changed.

We don't use the short-form OW because that makes it sound like she was on the same level as me. The 'other' one, as in comparable to. She wasn't.

We say AP, because she was a partner in crime and destruction.

That's just the term we use on SI. The name used at home would get flagged on this site.

TrustGone posted 1/24/2014 08:34 AM

I don't think I have ever said "our OW". I don't know her and hope to never meet her, so maybe that's why I don't say it. Made me sick just typing it just now. The names I call that skank to my husband are not nice and some of my posts aren't either. So far I just make sure what forum I am before I rant.

Dreamland posted 1/24/2014 09:07 AM

Oh hell no!!
I never refer to her as our.. She's always the OW.. She has nothing belonging to ours.

phoenixrise posted 1/24/2014 11:44 AM

A typo for sure or maybe sick sarcasm I have never seen that and it would personally make me throw up in my mouth too

cantgetup posted 1/24/2014 22:20 PM

Hurting---yes you can legit use "our". Although I'm sorry for your situation.
Dixie yes!! AP not OW. I need to change that post haste.
Phoenix not a typo. Watch for it. Many posters use this! Yea baby throw ups for me too!

Want2help posted 1/24/2014 22:56 PM

I think I've used it before on the OC board, because it's easier, for one, but to be honest her affair/relationship/obsession with my husband lasted less then 4 months. OW's obsession with me has spanned 6.5 years. She is still finding me on every social networking site known to man, all those years later. She's been a part of my reality much longer than she was a part of FWH's, sadly.

I would never call her "our" OW to FWH, or even let him know that I have used it. I never let him forget that HE is the one who brought this madness into our lives.

fooledbyapilot posted 1/25/2014 00:07 AM

I would rather type out the long form of my WH OW than say our OW.

Let's count the key WH OW = 6

or our OW = 5

seriously.....I could never say our OW....OW is a **nt........

rant over

cantgetup posted 1/25/2014 06:41 AM

Fooled--yes! I wasn't buying the shorthand explanation either. I think we all know that by saying OW, we know it's our spouses OW. I mean no explanation needed as to who were talking about. The OW would work too.

I still see that for some, there is a conscious decision to use this term. When I read it, I feel they are deeply disrespecting themselves. Like look how good I've handled this. I'm now able to call her "our" ow. It gives something to the WS and ow that they don't deserve, and takes away from the BS.

Sigh. I may never know.

Thank you everyone.

Whalers11 posted 1/25/2014 15:32 PM

I think I have used this. It's because I try to be very careful about having my comments perceived as generalizations, and I want to make it clear that I am talking about my specific situation only. It's easier than saying "The OW in my situation..." (which I have also used).

cantgetup posted 1/25/2014 15:49 PM

Whaler yes I do get that distinction. And it's a very important distinction to make. Thank you.

hurting7897 posted 2/7/2014 12:32 PM

Thank you cantgetup. I appreciate that.

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