This was not sent. This was something BS asked me to write and I asked him if it was okay if I shared here as well.
You made my day a little better. The AP in my situation could have written this - but I know she won't. It's nice to see someone who is trying, I hope you and your BS get there.
Look to the future, you can't change the past. But you can learn from it.
Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one is to lose all three.
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.
I can only hope that someday my WW wife would get to this point of understanding. Aside from our daughter, the AP and his BS have three kids. Still trying to understand how she felt the right to insert herself via an affair into their marriage/family, even briefly.
Again, thank you for sharing. And as a BS thank you for even being on this board to try and work on yourself.
Good job doing a difficult thing. How do you feel now that you have ?
I have a client/friend who came to me and told me about her A, right after her D-Day. She didn't/doesn't know about my WSO's A. She was feeling really panicked and horrible about what she had done. I politely told her that I couldn't be her friend anymore if she continued the A. On her own, with no prodding from me, she sent the BS a detailed letter of apology. The BS had just found out about the A also. I was very moved and proud of my friend. It has been 4 years since her A, and she told me she never regretted sending the letter. She believes her healing needed to begin with the letter of apology.
I am glad you and your BS shared this with us. Thank you both.
Thank you for sharing that. I give you a lot of credit for writing that---I can imagine that it wasn't easy.
Gently, may I ask, why you have not sent it? (I don't mean that in a confrontative way, I am just curious.) I think it would be very healing to AP's BW to read it. ( I am guessing that you have not sent it because you & your BH have decided NC is better---& I understand that.)
I think that one of the main reasons I still have such tremendous hatred for OW is that she never apologized for what she did. She knows that I know (WH told her right away), but we have never spoken. She did try to continue contact for several months with WH even after he told her it was over on Dday, & he succumbed . I guess she is just not sorry about what she did, only sorry that I found out.
I wish you & your BH the best of luck.
i did not send it b/c when i advised her of our A(at request of my BH that i be the one to tell her about it) she asked for NC. now go forward a little bit, when i got on FB today for the first time in months, she had sent me a friend request. i went to BH and asked what i should do with it and he told me to message her without adding her and just nicely ask her for her reasoning of adding me. she said that with her and AP now being officially divorced she had become curious how BH and i were doing and on how she could learn from us to still strenghten her relationship with AP and coparent their son with him. BH then advised me that if i felt the need, i could send her the appology letter, as she had broken the NC on her own doing, he just did not want me to be the one to break it. so i sent it. this was about 20 mins ago and it has still not been read. i'm feeling a little anxious, but at the same time, not....if that makes sense. if she doesn't reply and chooses to reblock me, that is okay and perfectly within her right, and i would understand. if she chooses to reply i would be more than happy to answer and explain anything she wanted/needed with openess and honesty.
I am not sure how I as a BW would respond. My first response would probably be to ignore the letter, so don't be surprised if you never hear back from her.
It seems odd to me that she is trying to learn from you and your BH. Kinda sets off a red flag. Please be very careful.
It seems odd to me that she is trying to learn from you and your BH. Kinda sets off a red flag.
This has bothered me as well. I haven't accepted the request but haven't denied it either. Right now its just floating in facebook land. Im not sure that I want to open that door. I understand her wanting to learn to coparent with her XWH but my BH and I coparent inside our marriage..not D. They are legally D. I dont think i could really teach her anything if i wanted to....im not and never have been in the situation she is in.
*edited due to horrible spelling errors.*
[This message edited by Hisbunnyonly at 10:29 AM, May 10th (Saturday)]
In addition, the unremorseful behavior of McTrash OW following the A made it hurt worse to see WH destroyed our lives for a worthless slutbag. If I had received a sincere apology like this, I would have been able to at least place it into a category of "when good people make bad decisions."
I have repeatedly watched former waywards here on SI who have earned back respect through their growth and actions and remorse. Too bad there are others that never will.