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Another one yesterday

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mystified1970 posted 1/24/2014 06:53 AM

Yesterday I received what I asked for...another confession. This is the 3rd confession. First D day was November 2011. I guess I've kept trying because I see something in him that I believe is good, very very good.

I know I cannot change him or make any of his choices for him but still, three years after the initial discovery, I'm trying.

This time I feel a bit numb to the pain but very angry and resentful. I hear remorse, shame and regret in his words and I see huge growth in him in so many ways and just like my instinct told me there were more truths to be uncovered, my instinct tells me to keep going, keep trying.

I guess I don't really have a question, just sharing another Restart...and it sucks hard. I wonder if I am just a masochist, except it's not pleasurable and I think masochists enjoy the pain.

nekorb posted 1/24/2014 07:05 AM

I'm sorry.

What is the very very good that you see?

norabird posted 1/24/2014 11:28 AM

What exactly is the growth you see...?

You can certainly try to R again--that is your decision--but I would gently suggest, with total understanding for your pain but also a desire to spare you from more, thinking about what ducks you would need to get in a row in order to leave him. What steps are there to go through? Think about it in concrete terms. KNOW that it is possible for you to be on your own, that you are capable of being independent and living without him. If you don't know that? He can cake-eat forever. And you don't deserve that and shouldn't put up with it.

nowiknow23 posted 1/24/2014 11:34 AM

((((mystified)))) Is this confession about something that happened back before Dday #1 or is it something recent?

I'm so sorry you're hurting, mystified.

mystified1970 posted 1/24/2014 17:11 PM

What is the very very good that you see?

I see a man who would drop everything in a heartbeat to help someone. I see a man who is loving (aside from that cheating thing!), thoughtful, genuinely kind, generous (in a number of ways...aside from his generosity to whores), spiritual and most of all, a man that is willing to change himself to be a better father, husband and friend. He had explosive anger problems for many years and he was willing to and did see a therapist specializing in anger problems. I see a man that is a doting son and brother, a man that has tried so hard to be the person he knows he should be; failing miserably at times, but always trying.

Is this confession about something that happened back before Dday #1 or is it something recent?

It was about a series of visits to prostitutes. He kind of left one out and left out a second visit to one of them. D day was the random discovery of hundreds of ads on CL. Since then the confessions have included I's that occurred many years prior to D day #1.

Physically, I left. I am on another continent. When I left he lost our home and lived in his office. While living in his office and homeless he was paying thousands to whores. Ironic, he didn't understand why I didn't have any sympathy for him at that time. When this last confession came out I was like, HELLO!! You did not HAVE to be homeless! You chose to go buy an expensive camera and photograph whores that you paid thousands to! Nope, no sympathy!!

Physically, I am more than capable of taking care of myself. I'm working on the mental/emotional part. I think he is only just starting to wrap his head around the fact that healing hasn't begun. I have made zero progress in healing and R hasn't begun. Can't start R until the full story is out.

Thanks for your listening eyes and feedback ya'll.
I so very much appreciate being able to get some of this out here!

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