"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/24/2014 08:10 AM

I am just wondering what friends and coworkers thought of my ex at the time he told them he was divorcing
So just hoping for your thoughts...

So let's say you know my ex well and only know me his wife just from a few meetings. He tells you I l was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Another day he tells you I am on my way to a major research hospital but he d
oes not go with me..says I am just going for testing. Two months later he tells you I am having an experimental treatment done. Two weeks later he tells you I am bipolar and crazy so he is divorcing me. One month later he signs up for divorce care and single meetup groups all the while still living in the house but no explanation as to where I am living.

What would be your thoughts on his behavior?

I am just trying to understand

sadone29 posted 1/24/2014 08:31 AM

Honestly, I would think he was a wee bit unstable and would probably try to minimize contact with him if I could. Going from saying his spouse has a brain tumor to suddenly crying bipolar/crazy and enjoying single life doesn't add up.

Unless his coworkers/friends trust blindly or love gossip/drama, I would think they would see through it?

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/24/2014 08:44 AM

Geez I hope you are right. I am trying to figure out why everyone shunned me during that time including my friends who he contacted and pastor of my church and a counselor I had been seeing. All refused to speak to me any more.

sadone29 posted 1/24/2014 08:59 AM

Wow, that's just weird. For a pastor to stop speaking to you? I have to wonder if he was making up many more stories than you know about.

That's so terrible. As if you didn't have enough on your plate to deal with.

steadfast1973 posted 1/24/2014 08:59 AM

I'd think he was a dick for divorcing his sick wife!

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/24/2014 09:11 AM

As a woman if I heard this I would also think what a dick. But wonder what his male coworkers thought.

He is very convincing and had them believing I was horrible and when the brain tumor info came out people then started to believe his stories even more.

simplydevastated posted 1/24/2014 09:14 AM

I'd think he was a dick for divorcing his sick wife!

^^^This

TrustGone posted 1/24/2014 09:16 AM

You may never know the answers that you now seek. Sometimes you just have to put it down and say they were sick POS that didn't deserve you and you are better off without people like that in your life. The only person you can control is yourself.

I have found this out in my own life and have decided that I don't control other people of what they say or what they do. I know myself what kind of person I am and that's all that really matters. I can love my WH#2, but I can't control what he says or does. It hurts when people lie and betray you. But that's on them. It has nothing to do with you. They are the broken ones and you can't fix them. They have to want to fix themselves. (((HUGS)))

Dreamland posted 1/24/2014 09:32 AM

I wonder what my fWHs coworkers thought. They all know me his wife.. Yet he kept going out after "working late" meeting up with OW friends some that worked with fWH and his coworkers showed up that know me..
Pisses me off that people can't speak up and say ... He asshat. Where's you wife and what are you doing with that piece of fugly shit...

cl131716 posted 1/24/2014 09:42 AM

I would think he was selfish and be completely appalled he would feel that way about his wife who has a brain tumor. Simply, I would think he was a coward.

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/24/2014 09:46 AM

I had neighbors who I was friends with years ago but I spoke up to her when I saw him bringing women to house while she was working and he was supposed to be watching their children.

I would like to say I did the right thing but they did divorce and she did not want to be friends with me. If it would have been me I would have considered it as wow this person who told the truth is the best friend someone could want.

JerseyCowgirl posted 1/24/2014 09:54 AM

I agree coward & selfish
But would part of you wonder whether the tumor might make the wife "act crazy" and think poor husband having to deal with this.

My ex SIL told my employers and even though they saw no personality changes in me they consulted an attorney to find out their liability if I should have a seizure while running errands on work time. I was not at risk for a seizure but they jumped to that conclusion.

nowiknow23 posted 1/24/2014 09:59 AM

If it would have been me I would have considered it as wow this person who told the truth is the best friend someone could want.

I would probably think the same as you, Jersey, but the reality is that many people distance themselves out of embarrassment, misplaced shame, misplaced anger... Or it could also be that she connects the memories of that time with you and doesn't want to be reminded.

((((Jersey))))

Ostrich80 posted 1/24/2014 11:20 AM

I would think why isn't he with his wife while she's having tests run. I think he said things that had nothing to do with illness, if they have shunned you. I am shocked that a pastor would do this. Really though if people are that easily persuaded against someone they really don't know well, except for what the husband says, eff all of them. You don't need assholes in your life like that.