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the feared v day hotel bed

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phoenixrise posted 1/24/2014 11:39 AM

V day approaching psyching myself out for it since we will be in a hotel bed...a hotel bed just like the one he had his way with her on...trying to stay strong and see it as reclamation of him and really preparing myself to not think about it and focus on our time...I have shared these feelings with him and to protect my feelings he has asked if I would prefer cutting down our stay by a couple of nights...to me I would rather just put on my big girl panties and face it....hes MY husband right? I'm not gonna let some young slut bother me out of ever staying with my own husband in a hotel room ever again...after all it was US first...anyone else can give me pointers on how to cope...I know I can do this but just wanted to share...am I being too sensitive?

nekorb posted 1/24/2014 12:24 PM

Well, I haven't had to do anything like this yet, but if I had to imagine how I would do it, it would be to constantly remind myself of the one thing OW doesn't have...and that's your husband, in bed with you on V day.

Score 1 for phoenixrise!

cancuncrushed posted 1/24/2014 13:08 PM

I have progressed. ... H took me on several trips post DD. Traveling was my favorite thing. I could no longer process. I just couldnt. I would spend the whole time extremely upset, on eggshells. I wasnt even sure why.. (I knew they traveled and went to hotel.)..I understood triggers, and yet I was frozen and upset. I spent hrs looking out the hotel window imagining what must have happened. Any Traveling is a huge trigger. I know this now. I accept it now. It makes me angry.
its getting better. I feel sadness, but I am in control now. Imagining what they did is one thing, to follow the blueprint, in person, is harder. Realizing it was a trigger, made it better, much faster....
I loved traveling so much, and we were going to other places, it made it confusing for me to see it is a trigger. Just know it is a trigger. Prepare for the trigger. It is only a trigger. ANd will be a trigger for awhile. Multiple stays, will lessen it in time. How do you handle other triggers? Some avoid. Some face them head on. Stay busy. A trigger is mostly your reaction. We skip V day.

Alex CR posted 1/24/2014 16:26 PM

The first time we stayed in the same hotel he had stayed with OW, I sat in the bathroom and cried....eventually I came out and we went to dinner and talked.

As time went on and we returned to those places it became easier. We created our own routines, our own memories.....we had massages, breakfast in bed, we brought wine back to the room along with some munchies and had afternoon sex.......and eventually those places have become 'our places'. I used Wite-Out and OW is gone from those places now.

Life is too short to let some random hole deny us what can be sweet moments in our lives. You are not too sensitive...you've been hurt...but you will reclaim these moments...they belong to you.

Take good care of yourself and let your H know you need extra special love and attention this trip.....he needs to step up and make this a special time, for both of you.

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