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Newest Member: IamMom (50612)

User Topic: the feared v day hotel bed
♀ 41745
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

V day approaching psyching myself out for it since we will be in a hotel bed...a hotel bed just like the one he had his way with her on...trying to stay strong and see it as reclamation of him and really preparing myself to not think about it and focus on our time...I have shared these feelings with him and to protect my feelings he has asked if I would prefer cutting down our stay by a couple of me I would rather just put on my big girl panties and face it....hes MY husband right? I'm not gonna let some young slut bother me out of ever staying with my own husband in a hotel room ever again...after all it was US first...anyone else can give me pointers on how to cope...I know I can do this but just wanted to I being too sensitive?

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I haven't had to do anything like this yet, but if I had to imagine how I would do it, it would be to constantly remind myself of the one thing OW doesn't have...and that's your husband, in bed with you on V day.

Score 1 for phoenixrise!

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 2014, 1 yr. later than I should have
Psalms 27:14 Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 2901 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 28156
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have progressed. ... H took me on several trips post DD. Traveling was my favorite thing. I could no longer process. I just couldnt. I would spend the whole time extremely upset, on eggshells. I wasnt even sure why.. (I knew they traveled and went to hotel.)..I understood triggers, and yet I was frozen and upset. I spent hrs looking out the hotel window imagining what must have happened. Any Traveling is a huge trigger. I know this now. I accept it now. It makes me angry.
its getting better. I feel sadness, but I am in control now. Imagining what they did is one thing, to follow the blueprint, in person, is harder. Realizing it was a trigger, made it better, much faster....
I loved traveling so much, and we were going to other places, it made it confusing for me to see it is a trigger. Just know it is a trigger. Prepare for the trigger. It is only a trigger. ANd will be a trigger for awhile. Multiple stays, will lessen it in time. How do you handle other triggers? Some avoid. Some face them head on. Stay busy. A trigger is mostly your reaction. We skip V day.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Alex CR
♀ 27968
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first time we stayed in the same hotel he had stayed with OW, I sat in the bathroom and cried....eventually I came out and we went to dinner and talked.

As time went on and we returned to those places it became easier. We created our own routines, our own memories.....we had massages, breakfast in bed, we brought wine back to the room along with some munchies and had afternoon sex.......and eventually those places have become 'our places'. I used Wite-Out and OW is gone from those places now.

Life is too short to let some random hole deny us what can be sweet moments in our lives. You are not too've been hurt...but you will reclaim these moments...they belong to you.

Take good care of yourself and let your H know you need extra special love and attention this trip.....he needs to step up and make this a special time, for both of you.

BS Me 62
WS Him 64
Married 34
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the road is lonely...the other teeming with life.

Posts: 1828 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 4

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