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OW vying for WH's attention on LinkedIn. Tell her husband?

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tigrislilium posted 1/24/2014 11:43 AM

OW #1 (the one he was cheating with the longest) has made herself a LinkedIn account and has twice now purposely shown herself on WH's "people who have viewed your profile" feed. She is not a professional - indeed, her LinkedIn profile has her listed as a stay-at-home mom. No reason whatsoever to be on a professional social media site where professional connections are supposed to be made, not social chatter and illicit behavior. And certainly no reason to be seeking my WH, as their "career paths" would have no reason to cross in the workplace. It's all to get my WH's attention.

Since DDay, this despicable woman has gotten married to the man she was cheating on with my WH and has had a child. DDay, as you can see on my sig line, was about 2 years ago.

This repugnant person has made her profile on LinkedIn using her maiden name - the one my husband would most easily recognize her by. It is obvious she is fishing for him to respond to her, as it is easy enough on LinkedIn to hide your identity.

The first time she popped up on there, it was my WH who alerted me to it (good on him). Now, I've seen her do it a second time, and I'm about done with the shenanigans.

I strongly desire to tell this ill woman's husband what she is up to, as well as what she has been all about for the past 7 years. This nasty OW was carrying on with my WH during the time she met, "fell in love with", and got engaged to this man. I never contacted him back then. I didn't know how to speak to him - what to tell him - at the time. I was new to all this.

I'm a veteran now. I know exactly what I would tell him.

Should I contact him? Should I alert him to his WW's atrocious and low-rent behavior?

My WH has FORBADE me to contact this man, he says to protect our family from what this man's anger at being made a fool by both of them may bring down upon us. I do not suspect my WH of seeking this gross woman out - he was, after all, the one who told me she was on LinkedIn checking out his profile in the first place - but his demand that I let it alone boils under my skin.

I believe this man, this victim, should be made aware, but how best to contact him? By registered letter to his work? They live half a country away now (his work moved him and his vile liar of a wife far away), so I could never see him in person to tell him. But if I send an email, I'd never know whether he received it, or whether he reads it.

What would you do?

Blobette posted 1/24/2014 11:50 AM

Who the hell is your WH to FORBID you to do anything? That always ruffles my feathers. I would tell the poor guy who he's married to.

painfulpast posted 1/24/2014 11:55 AM

You've were 'forbidden'? OMG - priceless. ALL WSs try to get the BS not to tell. It's textbook cheater action #4. They are embarrassed, and the thought of being confronted for being the AP by OBS is scary. They don't want it.

OM lives across the country. He isn't going to show up with a baseball bat.

I would call him. Find out where he works. That way you are positive that you've got the right person.

And don't mention this to your H again. Honestly, he might even try to warn OW. Don't, just do it.

marionwendy posted 1/24/2014 11:56 AM

By registered letter to his work? (This).... If I could find OW and her BS I would tell him in a minute. He deserves to know, I don't think you have to worry especially because they live so far away. She is a trollop!

phoenixrise posted 1/24/2014 11:56 AM

I would tell him for shouldn't have to deal with her...let him put a stop to it...good for your H on telling you...awesome! I would have him delete the account...and start a new one where you can keep tabs

Kalliopeia posted 1/24/2014 11:59 AM

It's not possible to block her profile?

Pass posted 1/24/2014 12:05 PM

He FORBADE you? Fuck that. He has no say in it. This is totally your decision, and you don't need to ask permission.

I would have hoped someone would have let me know about what my wife had been doing. It could have saved me years of torture.

tigrislilium posted 1/24/2014 12:22 PM

Thanks, all who have commented. Good advice!

I don't want WH to delete the LinkedIn account BECAUSE of this reason. Right now, this OW thinks my WH is the only one seeing her trawling for his attention. If WH gets rid of this account, she might end up going at him on an account that I DON'T have access to.

And also, because he truly DOES gain valuable connections thru this membership. And professionally, it would look odd for him to collapse it and make a new one. Why should he have to remove it just because SHE'S still willing to conduct herself so reprehensibly?

I am able to keep tabs on her this way, to this small extent, anyway...

karmahappens posted 1/24/2014 12:26 PM

Who the hell is your WH to FORBID you to do anything? That always ruffles my feathers. I would tell the poor guy who he's married to.

Love this ^^ This was my gut reaction too, I am feeling a bit snarky today though so I thought I should just step back.

But since others saw what I saw I guess I am not "just snarky"

You speak your mind, your heart and your truth to anyone you please.

cancuncrushed posted 1/24/2014 12:41 PM

keep in mind, actions cause reactions...Ow will be angry, and do more. OWBS will be angry and do more. Your spouse will be angry and do more. ANd this causes pain. Just know the can of worms that open with this...Your cheating spouse cannot forbid you anything. Regardless, weigh all reactions, and then decide. Not out of spite toward H or OW. Be sure to copy her new linkedin name file, and send any proof from back when...Or he will not believe you. Personally, OW is out of control. On the same hand, 2 yrs is along time, to start all over again. OW is back in the mental picture.

blinders_off posted 1/24/2014 16:39 PM

Just a caution about LinkedIn activity:

It seems (from multiple user posts of confusion) that if you Google someone who has a LinkedIn account while you yourself are logged into LinkedIn (it doesn't even have to be open in a tab, and lots of people never log out of websites) -- LinkedIn *then shows you as having "viewed their profile."*

Be very careful of assuming stalking/attention seeking based on LinkedIn.

She may only have Googled your husband. Now, that in itself sucks, but it is assumed to be a private activity, different than pinging someone via social media.

The maiden name thing is a bit dodgy, but may also be innocent if she received an invitation to join LinkedIn by her maiden name, OR if she kept her maiden name in professional contexts (which many women where I work do).

BeyondBreaking posted 1/24/2014 18:32 PM

Should I contact him? Should I alert him to his WW's atrocious and low-rent behavior?

Yes. I can't say yes enough.

My WH has FORBADE me to contact this man,

Didn't you forbid him to sleep with another woman.

Interesting how that turned out...

he says to protect our family from what this man's anger at being made a fool by both of them may bring down upon us

They live across the country. What's he gonna do?
This is bullshit. Your H doesn't want to get an angry phone call/e-mail and deal with the OBS. Additionally, if he doesn't *hate* the OW, he might be trying to protect her- and the latter is what I would be worried about.

If you don't want to out that LinkedIn is how she has been contacting him- be general. Let the OBS know about the affair (send him any/all evidence you still have and apologize for waiting so long)and let him know that his wife is searching for your H again (don't need to say where).

Send him as much evidence as possible.

tigrislilium posted 1/24/2014 19:00 PM

Thanks again, all.


I appreciate your input about LinkedIn.

I guess I'm still pretty convinced it's no accident. It's been twice in 2 months that she's showed up on his "people who looked you up" list.

But now you've got me wondering, especially with the advice that cancuncrushed gave about reactions and keeping them in mind, if I should just hold off until I see it one more time, THEN send the OWBS a registered letter.

I don't know. She never had a LinkedIn account until lately, and she IS either looking my WH up on LinkedIn or Googling him - either one is punishable in my book. She needs to get out of my life...

As for him "forbidding" me to contact the OWBS, after I said "Uh... no" to his demand, he downgraded that demand to "Just PLEASE talk to your IC before you do anything like that." I told him I would, and I plan to at my next appt with her.

As for OW keeping her maiden name for "professional" reasons, she actually DID have a profession in the medical field before she got married and had a baby. Surely "stay-at-home-mom" is not the professional title she's trying to make connections with...?
It's just.... sketchy...

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