You should stand up for yourself if you feel he is unjustly harsh. Even though he is your BS, and you are the WW, you don't deserve to be treated badly out of anger. Yes, he'll be angry, and you may think you deserve it, but if he's using his anger at the A to drag you through the mud every chance he gets, that's unhealthy.
Be there, let him know you support him and want to help him heal, but don't let him break you down for everything.
At about your age we (exWW, me) were in the same place, she had cheated. The thing is, it wasnt the A (sexual) that ended our marriage, I was over that for the most past, it was the lies, omissions and half truths. Slowly I fell out of love with her and one day about 2 years after dday I simply walked away filed for divorce and never looked back (almost). She thought we were doing great because I stopped asking, I stopped because I no longer cared..
My point is sharing my story is for a view at what doesn't work.
[This message edited by 2yrsblind at 8:38 PM, January 24th (Friday)]