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Disney Mom

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jackfish posted 1/24/2014 14:45 PM

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this in, but I am separated so.
Anyway, I've heard of "disney dad"'s but there must be WW's who have become "disney moms". Basically, my WW with her Loser (AP) are showering my son with EXPENSIVE gifts and trips. My son lives with me and wants to be with me. I treat him well, he's not spoiled but he's not suffering. Just being a good Dad, him a good teen kid. Then, periodically, outta the blue, he receives a text or whatever that her and Loser are buying him a new *blank*, or are gonna take him to *blank*. Guilty, lying, betraying, deceiving, adulterous, thieving WW has now resorted to trying to buy her son's love with expensive shit. Funny thing is, it's HIS (AP's) money she's buying it with!?!? WOW.
Also, when we were together (24 years), she used to cut down any dad out there (the "disney dads") who did this to their kids when the moms would be in the trenches with their kids day to day. Hippocrate.

Anyway, I'm actually not jealous but inside, it does piss me off because I'm instilling the work ethic attitude in him to save up to buy, and start small and work towards big...instilling good morals and ethics in him. And then BAM, outta nowhere, he gets a *blank*. I can't believe she'd stoop to this (oh wait, ya I can!!). Unreal.
So I'm wondering, is there anyone else out there who experiences this and/or how to handle it? Do I just take the high road and let it be (her disney mom'ming)?

ButterflyGirl posted 1/24/2014 15:00 PM

I figure Disney parent is better than no parent, at least the parent is showing some affection.

But I won't understand how that's enough to these people. I have a gut instinct urge to actually parent my children, teach them morals and how life works, like you, so buying them things would never be enough for me. I don't comprehend wanting so little influence on my kids lives..

Pass posted 1/24/2014 20:24 PM

Yeah. The Princess is sort of doing that. Except for one difference. She gets to spend more time with them than I do. So she ignores and bitches at them until her boyfriend comes around. Then they all go out bowling as a happy family, give each other expensive gifts, and now they're planning a trip to Florida for the March break.

So she's kind of like a Disney mom, if you include feeling sick on the scary rides as part of the experience.

I just love that shit, as you can imagine. Then she asks me to "work on some discipline with them" when they're here.

IrishLass518 posted 1/24/2014 20:37 PM

It can happen for kids to have a "Disney Mom" and sometimes it is all perception. My 3 SC had a "Disney Mom" who would come in and out of their lives from time to time and do these special things and buy grand gifts etc. What wasn't apparent was that she was working tons of OT to earn the money to do these things for her kids. Now, her choice and the kids would've rather had a mother who was present than presents but this was the only way she knew to parent.
Now, I am a single mom, I have custody of my IrishLad, I don't have to punish him often, we talk a lot, he doesn't have everything but he knows that with good grades he can earn rewards and I take him cool, fun, exciting places because I want to be in those places with him. We have both earned it. So I could be considered a "Disney Mom" too even though I am one dollar a month from State Assistance and I am there with him doing all of the hard work.
The point of this being, it doesn't matter what she does or doesn't do, you and your son both know who you are and who she is and your son will always love his mother just because that's who she is. She doesn't have to be a good one and he'll know that about her, he will still love his mom. Don't worry about her, be the man your son will grow up to emulate.

SeanFLA posted 1/24/2014 22:16 PM

Yep I have the grand daddy of Disney Moms. The guilt never stops flowing from her the last few years. In fact today she bought my 14 year old a boat. Yeah that's right a boat. Against my wishes and never spoke to me about it. Mostly because she knows liitle about how dangerous they can be. Tomorrow the emails will begin to fly.

absolut posted 1/24/2014 22:44 PM

I am so reluctant to post anything bc I don't have children yet. And I only ever dated the divorced Disney dad. What a drag that was! His younger one was still too little to be spoiled by material things and would just play happily with any toys, but the older one had started to catch on and was starting to come up with lists of stuff she wanted from the mall for getting good grades on exams. Not report cards but exams. There were no consequences for bad behavior because he only believed in positive reinforcement. She had been in trouble at school for stealing and fighting which he said she shouldn't have any consequences for, because it was his fault because of the divorce.

Then he would send the kids to mom's, and say that she would not take any sh*t from them. His words.

I mean it was crazy. It took him 3 hours to put his 3 year old to bed. Don't miss that scene.

Advice.... first of all you are doing the right thing. Kids don't need to grow up thinking that life is about "being good" in exchange for cash and prizes. Other than that? I really don't know. Don't be surprised if relationships for an overindulgent parent are short-lived and finances are a hot mess. Be prepared to be extra stable.

Don't introduce anyone to your kids for at least 6 months maybe a year. Because too many people may drift out of their life.

scarednbroken posted 1/24/2014 23:39 PM

Disney parents come in all forms. My step daughter tried to bounce between us and her mom a lot bc it always seemed better on the other side. We had custody and she was a "difficult" child. She didn't get good grades. Mom and dad used her as a tool to hurt each other. I ended up being the responsible parent. I taught her that yes - the non custodial parent will be more fun bc they don't have the responsibility of being the "real parent" and raising her. It's a visit. Of course they want to have fun with her... She now realized what I was trying to do for her. She is 27 and has four kids. She thanks me every once in a while for teaching her that you can't always be your kids best friend. You gotta have boundaries. Kids recognize it and want it - on a base level. But they are kids and will push it. And the Disney parent will cave... Up to the "real parent" to be responsible. And lovingly provide boundaries because you care!!

Gosh I'm rambling. I hope this helped a bit.

Nature_Girl posted 1/25/2014 01:02 AM

My ex does his best to be a Disney Dad. It's a competition for him. For Christmas & birthdays he actually has the kids count how many presents I give them, then he makes sure to get them one more. In 2012, during their nightly phone calls, he made them repeat for WEEKS after Christmas that I got them each six presents and he got them seven.

In my case it isn't just him showing affection. It's malignant affection. He uses gifts & outings as a way to prove he's better than me, that he's fun. Worse, he brainwashes the kids about it, pointing out how I don't do this or that with them, that I don't take them here or there, that I don't get them those things. They tell me how he trash talks me. It would be one thing if he just got them these things as a genuine gesture of love. It's something else entirely when he uses these things as weapons of war.

I have my kids in therapy. That's the only way. When they bring home these fantastic gifts or after a fun-filled outing, I try hard to be enthusiastic for them. I'm not always successful, but I try. Occasionally they'll ask me if I'm mad because they got _____. Usually I'm not mad, so I tell them no, I'm not mad, and ask why they asked. Then they'll let me know that Daddy told them I'd be upset. I have to assure them that I'm happy for them, blah blah blah.

He's such a bastard.

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