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Just made a mental connection.

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SusanR posted 1/24/2014 18:59 PM

Crap. I remember not understanding why they emailed so much about Brett Favre. Just made the mental connection to the penis photo scandal. Why can't I stop putting pieces in the puzzle?

Thinkingtoomuch posted 1/25/2014 00:11 AM

Hi, SusanR,

I know what you mean. This is why I just want to "throttle anyone" who says "you need to get beyond it now." Even though she was supportive the first year, my sister says this if I even rarely mention xwf and what he did. Right, see how you'd feel if your husband did this. She and anyone else would be crushed forever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone (well maybe my worst enemy, now that hell has been activated. Lol)

I still do this memory thing like a puzzle. I think our brains are like a continually running computer in the background all the time, even without our awareness. And I am still sucked down by feelings when I do become aware of this puzzle piece.

I am moving forward, but "it" still affects my daily life in various ways limiting some choices.

SusanR posted 1/25/2014 04:50 AM


Yup. I trigger on some weird stuff because of the mental connections. I really fight it. Try not to say anything when it happens and move on.

I have allowed this to put serious limitations on my activities. I catch myself thinking NFW am I going "there" because they did. I won't listen to some music because it was on one of his "special" playlists. I won't wear the diamond earrings he bought me because he bought her a pair, too. I should sell them.

I wish now that I hadn't done so much detective work. Can't say I wasn't warned but I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. And, I get burned.

Last D Day was late April of 2013 and I still have a lot of work to do!

sparkysable posted 1/25/2014 09:13 AM

Don't you hate this? Once in a while, something still will click into place, and I feel like slapping my forehead like "d'oh".

Thinkingtoomuch posted 1/25/2014 10:24 AM

Try having your entire closet of clothes affecting this.

All remind of pre A and A, so I just ignore them. I won't get rid of them because I know it would scare me to see empty closet=no clothes=need to shop, shop, shop=spend lots of money. And my whole history of who I really was and how I was before would be gone, maybe losing more of myself.

I am older, may need to quit working in near future so fixed low income looming, and do not like shopping at all anymore AND shopping has puzzle pieces too.

Ugh. It is what it is.

SusanR posted 1/25/2014 10:25 AM

Yes, Sparky. I hate that I even care, that it takes up my mental space! I am in a women's support group on Monday nights. My goal is to start seeing myself as a separate unit and working on myself. I desperately want to stop thinking about the past and connecting the dots. It just doesn't matter anymore!

BAB61 posted 1/25/2014 23:05 PM

omfg, yes!! I do this all the time ... grrrrr!

Why can't I stop putting pieces in the puzzle?

^^^^^^ I think it's because there is so much crap they hid, and now you're figuring it out!

My STBX threw a surprise party for my 50th (3 years ago) he bought food for the party. I cannot eat anything that is derived from corn (corn syrup, dextrose, modified food starch etc) and I could NOT EAT anything he bought for the party. Now I know he really only threw the party because my girls wanted to do it!

Virginiagirl posted 1/25/2014 23:50 PM

I'm there with you. Always realizing little shit I hadn't seen before. I try to turn it around and tell myself that's one more reason you know you are doing the right, the only thing by moving on. Only by not being with him will I be able to put this betrayal to bed.

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