We have been married for 25 years. I started my first affair in 2000. We experienced a devastating family loss--the death of our child--and my wife and I were both emotional basket cases. Not long after, a female co-worker introduced me to one of her married friends. The three of us, along with another mutual friend, began meeting after work for happy hours. After a while, the other two dropped out and it was just me and the married woman going out for drinks. We both had difficulties in our marriages and our relationship evolved into a EA/PA.
The affair continued undetected for several years until one evening my wife walked up behind me while I was typing an e-mail to the OW. I downplayed the affair and told her its not what you think, we are just friends, etc. I did not confess to the details. The OW divorced her husband and nearly convinced me to do the same. I finally came to my senses and told my AP that I was not going to leave my wife. By this time, my AP was newly single, looking for a husband, and no longer satisfied being the OW, so the affair ended. I TT'ed for a long time, but eventually confessed my affair. My BW was devastated, but stayed with me as I promised that it would never happen again.
Throughout our marriage, we experienced sexual compatibility issues. I always wanted more sex than my wife did and that was a major source of friction. I tried to pick up the slack with porn and masturbation. More importantly, there were some sexual activities that I really enjoyed that my wife was not comfortable in doing. In contrast, the sex with my AP was different and exciting, and she enjoyed pleasing me in ways my wife would not.
I was faithful to my wife for several years following my A, but I still craved the pleasures my wife was not willing to provide. One day I was looking at the personal ads in Craigslist and saw ads from men seeking NSA sex with women.
I convinced myself that I deserved the sexual pleasure that I was missing. And, I was not getting any younger. I loved my wife and wanted to keep my marriage intact, so I rationalized that an NSA relationship would not really be an affair, since there would not be any emotional baggage to deal with. In my twisted logic, I felt that by seeking only married women, I could keep it NSA, and I would minimize any chance of contracting an STD. I figured that the men that posted for NSA sex on CL would not continue to post those ads if they did not have some degree of success, so I gave it a try.
Most of the ad responses I had to weed through were from bots or professionals, but I did correspond with a number of what appeared to be legitimate respondents that expressed an interest. I was able to hook up with two women (AP#2 and AP#3) that were physically and geographically compatible, and could meet my limited schedule of availability.
My carefully concocted plan blew up when my wife found numerous visits to a dating website, hotmail, and yahoo on my smartphone. I finally came clean about my activities and gave her my passwords, and told her who the women were. I destroyed her, broke her heart, and lost every ounce of trust she had in me. But, it gets worse.
She looked up my last AP on Facebook and learned that the AP had a child less than a year after our A ended. My BW had a paternity test done on the child that confirmed the child's DNA matches mine. I have not had any contact with this AP since the A ended several years ago.
My BW now monitors my smartphone and computer use, and has GPS tracking on my phone. I tell her where I am at all times, and text her when I leave work so she knows I am coming straight home.
I love my wife and children and desperately want to stay married.