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So yea, I publicly announced my plans to divorce...

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MercifulH posted 1/25/2014 12:34 PM

I just publicly announced my plans to divorce my WW and for reasons of adultery for her 4 year long affair before and after we were married. I did this on facebook and she posted a status of her own confirming it was true. I have already lashed out at her sister for making a condescending comment about my announcement and posted on WW's status blasting a friend that tried to make it seem like it wasn't her fault. Should I just block my wife on facebook? I am really pissed right now and just had to get everything out. I don't care if everyone knows. I don't want anyone to think this is any way my fault whatsoever. Did I fuck up royally by announcing this publicly?

[This message edited by MercifulH at 12:35 PM, January 25th (Saturday)]

Chippednotbroken posted 1/25/2014 12:36 PM

What did you seek to gain from doing it that way?
No judgement just asking.

MercifulH posted 1/25/2014 12:39 PM

Honestly, I don't know. I was so pissed off and just did it. I don't want anyone to think it was my fault.

MercifulH posted 1/25/2014 12:46 PM

I guess part of it was she was so deathly afraid of her friends and family finding out. I knew she would try to minimize the damage to herself and make it seem like the divorce was my fault and I just can't stand knowing that so many people would be basically blaming me for all the shit that she was doing to fuck up our marriage. Yes there were problems that were my fault, but she never came to me to work on them, she chose the most destructive option possible and had a long term affair.

[This message edited by MercifulH at 12:47 PM, January 25th (Saturday)]

Gemini71 posted 1/25/2014 12:50 PM

Well, once you file its public record on the court's website. If you wanted to brand your WW an adulterer, you did. You'll find out really quick who your friends are. Now block the haters and put it behind you.

In some ways I admire your courage/rashness. The only reason I don't out my STBXH is that my parents are on Facebook, and don't want our 'dirty laundry aired in public'. I don't care, but my desire to make my parents happy is stronger than my need to hurt my STBXH.

careerlady posted 1/25/2014 12:50 PM

I understand. Especially since waywards tend to blame shift. I get upset at the thought that the Snake will spread lies about me and might have done the same thing myself if we didn't have a young child to raise together. Hopefully this earns you some peace or at least decreases how many times you have to tell your story

HopeImOverIt posted 1/25/2014 14:39 PM

I wasn't even ON Facebook when we separated. But as soon as I signed up, the first thing I did was block Ex and every one of his family members.

NC = no new hurts

nowiknow23 posted 1/25/2014 14:48 PM

I highly recommend blocking her and any of her friends/family who aren't 100% in your camp.

That's a fairly easy step.

The harder step? Is getting to a place where you no longer care what anyone chooses to believe about you.

The brutal truth is that you cannot control what others believe. Even given all the facts, some will choose to think badly of you. That bothered me for a long time. I am, however, fully indifferent at this point. You'll get there, too.


PurpleRose posted 1/25/2014 15:09 PM

After some time spent in false R (the first fucking time) I heard that the dooosh's sister was saying shit about me and who I was talking to about my cheating lying whore of a husband and I snapped.

I posted on facebook- for all of his friends, our friends, my friends to see - that I was married to a cheater and that I was going to talk about that with whomever the hell I wanted to. I also said how distraught I was over it, that after 20 years you think you know someone, etc etc.

I have no regrets. What I said was truth. And I got so many private messages from people we knew who were absolutely shocked that he was a cheater, sending support, stories of their own... Some of them I no longer talk to because the couldn't choose "a side" and I have cut out anyone who decided to keep him in their life. However, it showed everyone who and what he really is, and also ruined his "story" that I was a miserable awful narcissist who did not love him for 20 years! Wrong! Many of those messages told me they didnt believe his BS and had seen first hand my love for him.

I felt ok with my outing on FB. I know others who can't do it. You decide what is good for you now. If you are ok with it, the true friends will have your back and fuck the others.

MercifulH posted 1/25/2014 15:27 PM

Thanks. You all have helped me to reassure myself that I did what I had to do. I was sort of doubting myself after doing it. I don't regret doing it at all. She still wants me to go to the counselor with her on Monday. She has been going, but this would have been my first session. Don't think I'm gonna bother going.

[This message edited by MercifulH at 3:30 PM, January 25th (Saturday)]

Chippednotbroken posted 1/25/2014 15:57 PM

If it made you feel better than you did the right thing for you. I wouldn't go to the counselor etheir. Why waste another minute on her?

stronger08 posted 1/25/2014 16:37 PM

Good for you. I see nothing wrong in telling the truth. I only wish I had done it earlier on after my D-day. Its not like they did not think it could not happen while they are in the middle of the A. It took me a while to realize that my XWW secrets and shame was not something I had to bear.

Nature_Girl posted 1/25/2014 16:41 PM

My hat's off to ya, man!

SBB posted 1/25/2014 16:58 PM

Oh boy did I want to do this.

Know why I didn't? It wouldn't do anything but show him the tip of the iceberg of how hurt and humiliated I was. I wanted to hold on to some of my dignity.

I went and slept around instead. No less toxic. I wish I had gone the Facebook route.

All of this stuff is toxic. Whilst she is your target there is an element of self harm in it too.

First step, block her and her family and friends. Maybe even get off FB altogether yourself for a while.

The sad clown changed his status from married to separated within a few days of DD. In False R he told me he was hurt/angry that only 2 people reached out to him. Since S he has since posted a bunch of awful stuff which has lost him lots of friends on FB and IRL (I blocked him but lots of his friends and mutual friends tried to tell me about it - I stopped them in their tracks so I still don't know what he said. FWIW, I still don't care).

I'm not suggesting you keep her secrets - not at all. I told everyone in person. Friends, family, colleagues - hell even the bus driver, the aircon guy, the checkout chick, the guy who knocked on my door handing out political flyers... everyone.

No more now. You may not ever regret doing it but you may regret how vulnerable you have shown yourself to be.

In a year or two you won't feel anything like you do now. Keep this in mind whenever you're considering something like this. Just as she has to live with what she has done so do you.

I've seen announcements like this and whilst I have had empathy I've also been a little irritated that this stuff is being put on FB. To an outsider it feels uncomfortable and attention seeking. I'd want to hear it in person.

I know you're hurting and you're looking for relief - something, anything that will relieve this. It will take strict NC, time and hard work to get to detachment. There are no shortcuts. I've looked.


sparkysable posted 1/25/2014 17:11 PM

I posted a FB status announcing XWH and OW's affair, and tagged both XWH and OW so it went to their pages also. I don't regret it for a minute. He tried to go around saying "our marriage was really bad for a long time" but not many people were buying it after I posted that status.

Brandon808 posted 1/25/2014 21:29 PM

She still wants me to go to the counselor with her on Monday.
Why does she want you to go? I saw in your other post how she went behind your back to undermine the NC letter she sent to that so-called "friend". Honestly what did she expect?

I agree with blocking her friends and family. You gave your reasons why. It's no surprise other people would minimize or blameshift. There is no telling how long she has secretly talked about you behind your back to them. She has clearly shown a propensity for it. By this point you have likely been painted as nothing short of an abusive, neglectful monster who drove her into the OM's arms or some sh*t like that.

BAB61 posted 1/25/2014 22:54 PM

I outed my STBX on fb too! I got lots of support, some friends tried to tell me 'he would never do that' but Um, yeah, he admitted it to me. 10 years he admitted to cheating on me. 22 years married, 23 years together ... so yeah, lots of friends on fb ... I don't care if someone chooses to keep him in their lives, those people will fall away. I feel vindicated and I would do it all again. I was very factual, no inflammatory stuff and I refused to discuss openly on fb after I posted. Our mutual friend list went down to 80 something from 100+, and I only lost 1 person from my friend list!!! buahahaha

Dobegirl posted 1/26/2014 12:31 PM

I found a picture on FB of the slut on a mutual friends page we had. I tagged her and said something like "oh look! there is the slut that's banging my husband. She's 25 and he's 43..nice."

By the time she noticed it (she blocked me then ) everyone seen it and started sending me messages of support on how she's a whore and it won't last.

It definitely made me feel better and I have no regrets over it. I didn't care who knew. Actually I wanted to tell everyone. If it made you feel better then so be it. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

Sending you strength and hugs!

[This message edited by Dobegirl at 12:32 PM, January 26th (Sunday)]

MercifulH posted 1/26/2014 13:09 PM

You took it a step further than I did. I really wanted to smear him publicly but I only blocked him and sent his wife an email. I do think about doing it sometimes, but the circle of friends he is in probably wouldn't care anyway. They seem to condone that kind of behavior.

Twitchy posted 1/26/2014 13:16 PM

Her supporters will take her side and believe anything she tells them.

Block her and them and save yourself the aggrevation of seeing her lies and their lapping them up like fools,

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