It's been months. She's tried to make things better by focusing on the present and future, and I've told her I need her to address the affair. I've told her what would mean a lot to me: reading about how to recover, bringing it up herself and saying sorry more, but mostly she pretends it never happened. She's given only a little of what I ask, and usually only right after a night of me telling her that things are not going well. And the weeks go by where she is less compassionate, doesn't read, doesn't bring it up, and hardly comforts me when I tell her something is bothering me.
At the same time she is working hard to make our lives good and happy. We spend a lot of time together, we go on road trips and date nights and all sorts of things that make it seem like we have a great marriage. Except for the dark past.
She's kept no direct contact up, but there was never a NC letter written. She hasn't written to him since September, he has sent a few "where are you" and "I love you" messages but she hasn't responded. His last message was at the end of November. Also, she has refused to delete him from her social media friends list. Even after repeated talks about how it makes me feel.
There has been a lot of good, a lot of affection, but obviously there are still problems.
A week ago, I told her I was concerned because the OM's birthday was approaching and I thought she might want to contact him, and that it's not OK. She told me she had thought about saying happy birthday, but also using that opportunity to tell him that she could never talk to him again and then she would remove him from her friends list. ... I told her that I would be ok with the NC letter, but not a birthday wish, and that it was actually very cruel of her to think it would be best to tell him all of that on his birthday. She agreed and said she wouldn't talk to him.
His birthday just ended thirty minutes ago, and about 60 minutes ago, I noticed something was bothering her, so I asked... She was honest, and told me she isn't happy about how she feels, but she resents me for not letting her say Happy Birthday to him. She said sorry, and that she's not happy with herself for feeling that way, but she does feel that way.
Now I am left wondering how much longer I can wait for her to fully come around.