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So today DD22's son is one year old. I posted before about the party.. and that she had invited both me and XWH. And that XWH had an NPD meltdown which resulted in her crying and me not attending this party today. It's a gorgeous sunny day out, and I'm still in my pjs and just sick. Sick in the heart about all this.

One year ago, I was in the delivery room with her, watching this precious little boy be born.

One year ago, I was still married. I still had in intact family. Or so I thought. I had no clue that XWH was well into his affair and plotting his exit, and was texting with OW the whole time DD22 was in labor.

It hurts that I am missing this event today. That all the people I love and want to see are together, but I'm forbidden to attend because XWH decided to break my heart, destroy our marriage, and start fucking another woman.

I was willing to go to this party... scared, nervous, but willing to try. I thought if OEW (other ex-wife, DD22's mom) could make nice with him for the last 10+ years, then I could do it too. But NO. XWH flipped out and forbid my presence like the selfish, cowardly asshole he really is.

WHY does he act like this is MY fault?! Why does he hate me so much that he can't stand the idea of sharing space with me for a few hours?? If anyone is entitled to feel that way, its ME, not him! I never did anything to him except love him and his five kids with my whole heart.

My whole broken stupid naïve blind probably never going to trust again heart.

DD and I have been texting this morning. She's nervous about the party, does she have enough food for everyone, why is the frosting coming out gritty, etc? I love her so much and I hate that I'm not there with her right this minute, helping her and being with her the way we both wanted. I hate him so much for taking this from me. I know its just one day, one party... but I can't help but feel that this situation is going to repeat itself many times for other future occasions.

Some of you suggested going down before the party, but we both worked yesterday so that was a no go. I could go tomorrow but DD works. She lives nearly two hours away so just popping over isn't really an option. Next weekend, xSIL and I are going down to visit and give presents etc. She's not going to the party today either, for unrelated reasons. So, we'll have a little mini party I guess, and it will be great.

I really struggle with times like this when the whole family is together, except OW is there in my place. MY place! I earned it. I love these people and have for the last nine years. And they love me. OW is nothing to them. They don't know her, she doesn't know them. But boom, XWH decides that's where he wants to stick his dick, and just like that... I'm out, and she's in.

I guess I am attending a party today. Pity party for one. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Sorry for the rambling vent.

Thanks for listening.

(((hugs))) You are being very mature and self less. I hope next weekend is relaxing and fun and full of memories for you.

(((gypsy))) Have a special party next weekend with you and that beautiful boy with a special cupcake and candle.

Any human being with functioning emotions would be hurt today. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling self-pity. You've been given the shaft and your feelings are hurt. You're human. You know you're not going to walk around forever in a cloud of self-pity. We know it, too. You're going to feel what you feel, move through it, then go down next weekend and love on that baby.

((((HUGS)))

((Gypsy))

Affairs are just one, big, selfish party. For them.

(((Gypsybird))) so unfair!!!!

Awwwe I am so sorry!

I'm sad for you, Gypsy. It appears you were there for your steps during the years when they needed love and stability. You earned their love and they yours. What your x doesn't realize is that every time he pulls something like this, he will lose just a little more space when it comes to respect from his children. Eventually, they may learn they have no respect left for him. Once that happens…. well, he will pay for his selfishness and sense of entitlement. My x was so sure we could all be one big happy family. What he didn't count on was our daughters losing all respect for him; they no longer choose that he be a part of their lives. He earned that all by himself when he lied and hurt them over and over. Cheaters have a way of alienating the very people who should mean the most to them. Take the high road, go next weekend and have a wonderful time. Those kids will remember you for being the better person. And your x's chickens may just come home to roost. (((Gypsy)))