Me: Enjoying life
So today DD22's son is one year old. I posted before about the party.. and that she had invited both me and XWH. And that XWH had an NPD meltdown which resulted in her crying and me not attending this party today. It's a gorgeous sunny day out, and I'm still in my pjs and just sick. Sick in the heart about all this.
One year ago, I was in the delivery room with her, watching this precious little boy be born.
One year ago, I was still married. I still had in intact family. Or so I thought. I had no clue that XWH was well into his affair and plotting his exit, and was texting with OW the whole time DD22 was in labor.
It hurts that I am missing this event today. That all the people I love and want to see are together, but I'm forbidden to attend because XWH decided to break my heart, destroy our marriage, and start fucking another woman.
I was willing to go to this party... scared, nervous, but willing to try. I thought if OEW (other ex-wife, DD22's mom) could make nice with him for the last 10+ years, then I could do it too. But NO. XWH flipped out and forbid my presence like the selfish, cowardly asshole he really is.
WHY does he act like this is MY fault?! Why does he hate me so much that he can't stand the idea of sharing space with me for a few hours?? If anyone is entitled to feel that way, its ME, not him! I never did anything to him except love him and his five kids with my whole heart.
My whole broken stupid naïve blind probably never going to trust again heart.
DD and I have been texting this morning. She's nervous about the party, does she have enough food for everyone, why is the frosting coming out gritty, etc? I love her so much and I hate that I'm not there with her right this minute, helping her and being with her the way we both wanted. I hate him so much for taking this from me. I know its just one day, one party... but I can't help but feel that this situation is going to repeat itself many times for other future occasions.
Some of you suggested going down before the party, but we both worked yesterday so that was a no go. I could go tomorrow but DD works. She lives nearly two hours away so just popping over isn't really an option. Next weekend, xSIL and I are going down to visit and give presents etc. She's not going to the party today either, for unrelated reasons. So, we'll have a little mini party I guess, and it will be great.
I really struggle with times like this when the whole family is together, except OW is there in my place. MY place! I earned it. I love these people and have for the last nine years. And they love me. OW is nothing to them. They don't know her, she doesn't know them. But boom, XWH decides that's where he wants to stick his dick, and just like that... I'm out, and she's in.
I guess I am attending a party today. Pity party for one. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Sorry for the rambling vent.
Thanks for listening.
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords