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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: It's party day
♀ 39193
Member # 39193
Helpless  Posted: 1:42 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So today DD22's son is one year old. I posted before about the party.. and that she had invited both me and XWH. And that XWH had an NPD meltdown which resulted in her crying and me not attending this party today. It's a gorgeous sunny day out, and I'm still in my pjs and just sick. Sick in the heart about all this.

One year ago, I was in the delivery room with her, watching this precious little boy be born.

One year ago, I was still married. I still had in intact family. Or so I thought. I had no clue that XWH was well into his affair and plotting his exit, and was texting with OW the whole time DD22 was in labor.

It hurts that I am missing this event today. That all the people I love and want to see are together, but I'm forbidden to attend because XWH decided to break my heart, destroy our marriage, and start fucking another woman.

I was willing to go to this party... scared, nervous, but willing to try. I thought if OEW (other ex-wife, DD22's mom) could make nice with him for the last 10+ years, then I could do it too. But NO. XWH flipped out and forbid my presence like the selfish, cowardly asshole he really is.

WHY does he act like this is MY fault?! Why does he hate me so much that he can't stand the idea of sharing space with me for a few hours?? If anyone is entitled to feel that way, its ME, not him! I never did anything to him except love him and his five kids with my whole heart.

My whole broken stupid naïve blind probably never going to trust again heart.

DD and I have been texting this morning. She's nervous about the party, does she have enough food for everyone, why is the frosting coming out gritty, etc? I love her so much and I hate that I'm not there with her right this minute, helping her and being with her the way we both wanted. I hate him so much for taking this from me. I know its just one day, one party... but I can't help but feel that this situation is going to repeat itself many times for other future occasions.

Some of you suggested going down before the party, but we both worked yesterday so that was a no go. I could go tomorrow but DD works. She lives nearly two hours away so just popping over isn't really an option. Next weekend, xSIL and I are going down to visit and give presents etc. She's not going to the party today either, for unrelated reasons. So, we'll have a little mini party I guess, and it will be great.

I really struggle with times like this when the whole family is together, except OW is there in my place. MY place! I earned it. I love these people and have for the last nine years. And they love me. OW is nothing to them. They don't know her, she doesn't know them. But boom, XWH decides that's where he wants to stick his dick, and just like that... I'm out, and she's in.

I guess I am attending a party today. Pity party for one. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Sorry for the rambling vent.

Thanks for listening.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

Posts: 1857 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) You are being very mature and self less. I hope next weekend is relaxing and fun and full of memories for you.

Me: 45, independent, happy, despite parallel parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 15 DS 12
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 7052 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
♀ 36809
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gypsy))) Have a special party next weekend with you and that beautiful boy with a special cupcake and candle.

BS (me)
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!
“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.”
― Robert Frost

Posts: 493 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: USA
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any human being with functioning emotions would be hurt today. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling self-pity. You've been given the shaft and your feelings are hurt. You're human. You know you're not going to walk around forever in a cloud of self-pity. We know it, too. You're going to feel what you feel, move through it, then go down next weekend and love on that baby.


Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Affairs are just one, big, selfish party. For them.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9168 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Gypsybird))) so unfair!!!!

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 949 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
♀ 38579
Member # 38579
Shocked  Posted: 8:32 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awwwe I am so sorry!

Posts: 60 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: United States
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sad for you, Gypsy. It appears you were there for your steps during the years when they needed love and stability. You earned their love and they yours. What your x doesn't realize is that every time he pulls something like this, he will lose just a little more space when it comes to respect from his children. Eventually, they may learn they have no respect left for him. Once that happens…. well, he will pay for his selfishness and sense of entitlement. My x was so sure we could all be one big happy family. What he didn't count on was our daughters losing all respect for him; they no longer choose that he be a part of their lives. He earned that all by himself when he lied and hurt them over and over. Cheaters have a way of alienating the very people who should mean the most to them. Take the high road, go next weekend and have a wonderful time. Those kids will remember you for being the better person. And your x's chickens may just come home to roost. (((Gypsy)))

D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 8

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