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A month ou & Im filing for Divorce

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sparkle09 posted 1/25/2014 16:46 PM

I am about a month from D-day. I started online divorce filing today because my husband refuses full disclosure. He refuses to give me hotel records and phone records. He keeps saying how can we move forward if you keep going back? I've already told you enough and gave you enough I don't want to keep re-visiting the past.Why cant he understand that I need these documents to verify he is being honest about the situation. I went as far as actually paying $300 to start divorce filing and the most I get out of him is maybe he will give them to me one day. Im so hurt that he wont do this for us.

EasyDoesIt posted 1/25/2014 16:51 PM

Maybe it'll wake him up. One thing's for sure, if your lawyer files for Discovery, all of that will come out anyway. Hard core 180, and don't mince words. You have a right to know whatever it is that you want to know.

MercifulH posted 1/25/2014 16:54 PM

Good for you. I suspect we both used the same website. I too paid the $300 fee today to start filling out the divorce decree. If he knows you are filling out the forms and still won't give you everything then you have your answer.

gonnabe2016 posted 1/25/2014 16:55 PM

He can't understand because he doesn't choose to. It's as simple as that.

sparkle09 posted 1/25/2014 16:58 PM

You all are right its a hard pill to swallow but I do have my answer.

Dare2Trust posted 1/25/2014 17:20 PM

Sparkle,

I'm really sorry -- but he's SHOWING you exactly who he is: Believe him!

It's more important for him to protect his "affair secrets" than it for him to be truly honest with you.
What a jerk.

Dare2Trust posted 1/25/2014 17:35 PM

Sparkle,

I'm really sorry -- but he's SHOWING you exactly who he is: Believe him!

It's more important for him to protect his "affair secrets" than it for him to be truly honest with you.
What a jerk.

sparkle09 posted 1/25/2014 18:04 PM

He puts on a front that he is so remorseful and cries to me but once I back him in a corner he is an entirely different person.

Jduff posted 1/25/2014 18:41 PM

I'm right there myself. My WW still won't admit to an A, and our divorce process is under way and past the required 60 day waiting period. At this point, a judge can sign the decree and it is a done deal.
The continued denials speak volumes, and it confirms where her priorities are. I found out that just last week she met with the OM, despite the NC agreement that his BW demanded of him. My own 9 yr old son volunteered this information to me when I asked what he and his brother did for the day with their mom! Right now she's delaying the mediation process by not following up with her attorney and moving the divorce along.

Don't be surprised if your WS delays and delays. Just like dare2trust says, when they show you who they are, believe them! I myself no longer need to know all the details or the truth from her. I got my answer!

sparkle09 posted 1/26/2014 07:30 AM

I am starting 180 today I hope its not too late. I really do want this to work for our family.

MercifulH posted 1/26/2014 09:37 AM

I hope you can work it out too. You can always stop the divorce if your WH decides to wake up. If your WH is anything like my WW though, I don't think you should count on it. My WW has proven and continues to prove that she cannot be trusted and will only lie to me. They show remorse, they beg, the plead, they cry, they do everything to appeal to your sense of good will. But once you have your back turned, or they think that you aren't watching and they can get away with something, they will do it. It's sad, but that's just how some people are. You can monitor all his email, they will just create new ones that you don't know about. You can spy on their phone, they will get another one and hide it. They will use calling cards, or call from work. The only way you will catch them is if they don't know you are watching. These people don't want to change. They want to make you think they have changed to fulfil their own selfish desires.

Stay strong. 180 all the way to the end of the divorce process.

Merlin posted 1/26/2014 09:51 AM

Sparkle,

If you've thought this through and decided to act, you are doing the right thing. Scary? Sure. And not what you wanted or expected.

But waywards play on our trust, our expectations, our desires and play them to the hilt. Meanwhile, they struggle to control what they no longer can - you.

I all but begged my ex-w to give up OM and work on our marriage and family. She said simply 'I can't do that right now'. That crushed me. But I filed later that same day.

Marriages include two people. Both must try to get what they need and decide what they will and will not put up with to have that relationship. It's not supposed to be a power struggle though it can go there, especially when infidelity comes along.

You know what your needs are here. Your wayward is trying to control the relationship after breaking it apart.

It's sad and maddening to reach such a point. It does sound though like you've reached that point.

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