I've seen many of your posts about your guy. From what you post, he does not seem to care about your feelings at all.
I was emotional and i think hormonal and i got crazy and jealous of the new (female) friends hes been hanging out with,
You were concerned and worried because he was with other females instead of you. That isn't crazy and hormonal. He has a history of bad boundaries with other females.
It is not your fault that he won't respect your dealbreakers
He isn't respecting your dealbreakers but you are still staying. You are teaching him that he can treat you any way he wants to treat you and you will put up with it (oh, maybe you will get angry or upset, maybe you will stop talking to him for a bit, but you always take him back. He knows this and he does NOT respect you.)
You made a mistake (yes, a mistake) and you don't need to pay for that for the rest of your life.
Yes. I am a BS and I am telling you that you do not deserve the blatant disrespect and self-centeredness your guy is showing.
When you commit infidelity, there is some leeway you have to give your BS because it can make us crazy for a bit. But at some point, BOTH parties have to totally commit to reconciliation and put 100% of their efforts into rebuilding the relationship.
I think you need to figure out why you love him.
I'm curious about this also because I've seen a lot of cruelty from him towards you.
It's been a while, but I DO remember when I was your age. I stayed with my 1st husband for the wrong reasons. I thought he was my only chance at love. I thought I would never find anyone else. I wanted a family. I was naive and I thought ALL guys were emotionally unavailable and kind of controlling (FOO issues). It took some growth and education for me to realize I deserved a chance to find true happiness and that I DID NOT have to put up with a lot of bad behavior from my mate. What is keeping you here? Sometimes love can be a bit of an addiction. And it DOES hurt when we leave someone we love, but sometimes growth means pain, and sometimes doing what is best for ourselves in the long run causes pain right now.
Make yourself a list of his pros and cons. It may help you see things a bit easier.