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Confusedfor3 posted 1/25/2014 23:31 PM

We are ten months out from discovery. I am completely in limbo. After he there has been little physical contact because it just triggers too much for me and sends me in a tailspin of grief. Will that ever stop? Will I be able to be physical with my husband again and not be disgusted? Not be reminded? Or think of the affair? I guess I am asking those long timers...when should things start be going back to "normal" and if I am still where I am at does that mean I should move toward divorce? How long do I hold on to the marriage? I should state that wh is very remorseful and doing just about everything he can think of to help me. I guess I just don't know what I want and I am seeing this not being able to be physical as a sign that we will not get better...rambling,,,,

morethantrying posted 1/25/2014 23:42 PM

I remember 10 months...lots of ups and downs. Big deep breath. today is a bad day...just having a bad day. I am just one year and just in the last two weeks several hours without thinking of it...

He is remorseful. Rejoice in that. That means he loves you and loves his marriage and loves his life with you. He made a mistake (as my IC said...a BIG MISTAKE)....

Hard to be married to "real human" man...I find it is hard to know this and "forgive" him for being human...

It will never make complete sense, but it seems to get better as your mind works through it, processes gentle to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break and peace....deep are loved by so many...always remember that.

RidingHealingRd posted 1/26/2014 00:16 AM

I was an emotional mess at 10 months, and that was with a truly remorseful WH. My life began to feel *normal* at about 24 months.

I am 3yrs 3mo from Dday and I still think of my WH A almost every day, but the thought is fleeting and no longer brings me to my knees. I think if you work through all of the emotions, process all that happened, and are living with a remorseful WS then things can get back to a new *normal* ~ every person must travel that journey at their own speed. More often than not it takes a long, long time to recover. You will read that it may take 2-5 years.

I believe what you are feeling is very normal. You have a remorseful WH, you state that you don't know what you want ~ I would give it more time.

At 10mo I wanted to D my WH, actually I wanted to destroy him, but today I am thankful that we are together building a stronger M. NEVER EVER would I have thought that was possible during those earlier days/months of discovery.

(((Confusedfor3)) It's going to be okay ~ YOU are going to be okay.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 12:17 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]

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