But be adamant. Tell them there is no way you can give a blanket "forgiveness." That's all you ask. You need to know the whole story. Until she comes up with it, it isn't possible.
Throw the ball back in their court. All you are asking for is honesty. If she can't provide that, why should you provide forgiveness?
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Now when I ask her why she volunteered total disclosure when she did, she says that she needed to feel that I wouldn't punish her for it before she could tell me. She needed to put it all on the table because it was exhausting remembering what she had told the truth about and what she lied about. Once she told the whole truth she claimed that a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders.
For me, after I came to terms with this new information, my need to ask questions faded. She haven't necessarily answered all my questions but she did volunteer much information I had no way of knowing...
See, if she is still lying, manipulating, and covering her backside, then you aren't farther along in your R because you are not in R at all.
R doesn't stand for rugsweeping, which is what her IC seems to be suggesting (Did this therapist actually say this directly to you? Or did your W relay the message? If this was truly from the therapist's lips, I'd be getting a new one).
edited for typos (I always have to!)