Unfortunately Trickle Truth is so common. Look around, there are several posts about it. What's more unfortunate is that no matter how much a WS reads about TT, we sometimes need to hit that rock bottom before understanding the impact of it.
As a WW I have also been guilty of TT, pushing too far. My rock bottom was when I had lied about something that in the grand scheme of things wasn't going to end my M, but because I chose to lie about it, my BH had decided he done. Mind you, it wasn't the only lie, but the culmination of several. And despite reading about TT and the effects of it, I continued to do it. After him begging me to tell him the absolute truth, I continued to do it. After him telling me there was only so much he could take before he was through, I still continued to do it. Looking back, it seems crazy now. Why wouldn't I just tell him everything? It caused a lot of damage. And then finally he was done.
For me, that day was the worst day of my life. Worse than DDay (as I had no idea what I was doing then). I also believe that was the first time my BH was able to see some real, very raw emotion from me. I was devastated and desperate. I tried bargaining with him. What could I do to prove to him how much I wanted to make us work? Much like you, I came here seeking advice. I was told to write a timeline. I worked diligently all weekend long knowing that by Monday morning he would be calling lawyers. The timeline turned into more of a story including my feelings and thoughts throughout the process. It turned into a confessional that he could do whatever he wanted with. He read it and it was painful for him. But it was the first time he had felt that I was trying to take steps to be honest and open with him.
The timeline didn't fix everything. There were still many unanswered questions. We ended up following the timeline with a lie detector test. He had written a post that day while waiting for me to come out of the office and get the results that he wasn't trying to catch me in another lie, but rather trying to catch me in a truth. Which he was finally able to do. But it took a lot of heartache to get there. It also took a lot of IC and MC for me to finally learn to be vulnerable and learn to take responsibility for my actions. It took hours, days, weeks, years of the two of us talking, arguing, and crying. I am happy to say that we are still here today.
If you really want to try to save your M, you can't be afraid to rock the boat. You need to demonstrate how important he is to you. You need to have the courage to initiate that process no matter what the outcome.
I wish you much luck and strength.
[This message edited by WalkinOnEggshelz at 8:36 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]