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Williesmom posted 1/26/2014 07:08 AM

I have been talking online with a man. We had plans to meet yesterday, but the snow hit. He called me on Friday night to discuss whether to meet on Saturday.

It was a really good conversation, but near the end he said "it's ok if you want to call me or text next week, but I don't want you calling or texting a bunch."

Uh, ok. That pissed me off. I have news for him: he's going to have to contact ME if he wants any contact. He must have had a stage 4 clinger in the past. This chick isn't one of them.

shiloe posted 1/26/2014 07:16 AM

Yeah, that would have ticked me off too.

A bit presumptive and just rude.

He must think is so great you can't help yourself from texting

Amazonia posted 1/26/2014 07:19 AM

He must think he's pretty hot shit that you'd be drooling after him.

Next!

littlefoggy posted 1/26/2014 07:19 AM

I wouldn't call or text at all.

[This message edited by littlefoggy at 7:20 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]

Later posted 1/26/2014 07:24 AM

Well, I was all ready to play devil's advocate - but that was presumptuous and rude. Did he qualify that in any way? For example, I could understand if he had said something like -- "I would like to keep in contact, but I just want to let you know in advance that I have a project due so unfortunately my time is going to be limited over the next week. I don't want you to think I am giving you the cold shoulder if I can't get back to you right away."

Williesmom posted 1/26/2014 07:26 AM

Oh yeah. He's getting nothing from me.

He doesn't get it.

I guess it's even more apparent because I have been talking with another guy that always initiates contact and is much more appealing at this point.

I was kind of worried about making a choice, but that choice was made for me at that point.

cmego posted 1/26/2014 07:28 AM

If you otherwise have a decent feeling about this guy, I would at least ask why he made this statement. Granted, he should have waited to see if you were a "texter" before making the statement...

I kinda feel the same way, in the beginning I don't someone that is going to constantly contact me. I wouldn't say it that way, but if I feel pressure from the guy early on, it is a turn off for me.

Maybe email, "So, I need some clarification on something you said last night about communication styles…." or something…

I think there are a lot of Stage 1 clingers on OLD looking for "insta-relationship", maybe he has run into a few of them and is a little trigger happy in the "don't contact too much!"

What was your reaction?

Amazonia posted 1/26/2014 07:43 AM

Whatever his reason, if that's a direct quote, his delivery is HORRIBLE.

Williesmom posted 1/26/2014 07:44 AM

He didn't qualify it with "working on a big project" or anything. It was a general " don't bother me" vibe.

I just said "I understand". I didn't really ask for clarification or more discussion, because I immediately knew that I wouldn't be contacting him.

Done.

Eta: yes, AMA- it was the delivery that got me.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 7:45 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]

cmego posted 1/26/2014 09:19 AM

Yeah, I totally see your point.

The delivery is crucial. He didn't even consider who you ARE before launching into "don't text me!" territory.

By any chance, is he new to OLD?

I just know in the beginning, I probably said a few things I shouldn't to decent guys. I remember one of my first dates, I said in like the second email, "BTW, if you cheated on your wife, don't bother…"

I've learned to finesse the delivery of that statement a little more now.

ruinedandbroken posted 1/26/2014 10:40 AM

Yeah, that would offend me. I wouldn't contact him again. I'd be done.

It's funny how people can say the wrong thing and change the whole dynamic of things. (I'm sure I've done it too as well.)

I met this one guy from OLD a few weeks ago and I get the vibe that he's probably a really good guy. But he was sooooo over the top interested, it completely freaked me out. He texted immediately after the date and then he called and said that he was going to take his profile down from OLD and that he called his mom on the way home from the date and that he hopes this was his last first date. Holy cow!!!!
I couldn't talk to him much again after that. He may have been a great guy but he ruined it.

[This message edited by ruinedandbroken at 10:40 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]

dignityintact posted 1/26/2014 10:51 AM

I'm with you completely on this - I detest men who expect you to do all the running….

I think you made a good choice!

finallymefirst posted 1/26/2014 11:13 AM

NEXT.... he's full of himself.

tesla posted 1/26/2014 11:35 AM

Blech...NEXT!

Oh the Irony posted 1/26/2014 14:27 PM

Ha! I've actually been guilty of saying something along these lines...hopefully a little more diplomatically. I don't want multiple daily texts from someone I haven't even met.

InnerLight posted 1/26/2014 15:15 PM

How rude and presumptuous! I would be so turned off by this that I would never contact him again. I don't care if he had a reason, he is a horrible communicator. You're honoring your feelings by dropping this guy. Ef him!!!

phmh posted 1/26/2014 19:06 PM

I would not ever talk to that guy again. I'm done with people who have terrible social skills.

I've had to say things to people -- AFTER they'd been texting me way too often. But to come out and say that when you've not demonstrated that you're a creepy clinger?

Next!

Amazonia posted 1/26/2014 19:44 PM

I keep coming back to this, and keep getting more

I think what gets me is that he made it about you. I get saying, "I'm not much of a texter" or "I've got a lot going on this weekend, so I might not be able to text much" etc. but like phmh said, he made this huge leaping assumption about you, and made it about you!

Williesmom posted 1/26/2014 21:21 PM

Yes, AMA!

That's what made me mad, along with the fact that he said the same thing- twice, to be sure that I got the point. Loud and clear, buddy.

I think he is another page in my book of weird shit that has happened to me.

Jagoff.

Bluebird26 posted 1/26/2014 21:54 PM

I would send him a last text and tell him

"Goodbye"

Are you sure he is single? Maybe he has a wife and that is why he doesn't want you bothering him.