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Newest Member: ConfidentJayne (61852)

User Topic: Is it too late to start 180?
♀ 41901
Member # 41901
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are a month out and he has completely shut down. Ill admit Ive pretty much done the opposite of 180 till this point and regret it now. I gave him an ultimatum and asked for hotel and phone records and he refuses to give them to me. He says he doesnt see how it will help and we just need to move forward. I know he is still hiding something, I dont know if its someone else or he is lying about not seeing her while I was pregnant. I went as far as paying $300 to start divorce filing and he still wont budge. He got mad said this divorce is on me and I am being impulsive. His parents are siding with him saying showing me that information will do more harm than good so he feel vindicated in his choice. Ive repeatedly told him its divorce or the records and he said maybe one day he will show them to me to stop being stubborn and think of our daughter.

Me-33 WS-34
Pregnant & 2 year old sweet baby girl
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man! He is being an ass, I'm really sorry. He's absolutely blame shifting his crap onto you. He had the affair, not you, he put his family and the well being of his daughter at risk, not you. I've never done the 180 myself but this seems like a perfect time to implement it. I don't think it's ever too late.

I'm so sorry for your pain ((sparkle))

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40597
Member # 40597
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive repeatedly told him its divorce or the records

I think the problem is that he thinks you're bluffing. If he doesn't think you'll go through with it, then he can just do whatever he wants. Are you bluffing?

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Me - 45 (BS) PCOS/infertility/Co-dependent
Him - 32 (FWH) mid-life crisis/wants kids
Married 9 years, together for 14
No kids (a factor in the affair) :(

Posts: 10 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: California
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive repeatedly told him its divorce or the records

You cannot draw a line in the sand and continue to move it backwards.

Start the 180 and detach, learn to take care of and begin to heal you.

His parents opinion have no place in your marriage. If their opinion matters more than yours he can move in with them after you file.

He is pulling the strings right now,only you can stop that.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 4

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