So, WH is doing some things right, and he's "getting it" more all the time.
Things he's doing right:
- NC
- transparency (passwords, full access to everything, checking in, etc...)
- being a better husband in some ways around the house (being more engaged in day to day stuff, helping out more, etc.)
- MC and IC
Places where he isn't quite getting it:
- he still seems to focus on "problems in the marriage" as the cause for A. Even though he agrees with me that our pre-A marriage was probably a 7 or 8 on a scale of 10, and better than almost anyone else we know.
- he tries to have conversations with me about how I'm feeling, and what we need to be doing in R (he even brings things up on his own sometimes), but if our conversation gets too heated, or too emotional, he gets defensive, angry, detached.....
- he's not nearly as affectionate as he was pre-A, when I've expressed that I really need him to be. He's generally an extremely affectionate guy.
- he's inconsistent in his ability to make my needs a priority
- he just doesn't seem as remorseful as I would like him to be.
I guess I wish he were constantly expressing how grateful he is for this second chance, and I just don't feel that from him.
But I see huge improvements from, say, a month or 2 ago.
So my question is if this is normal? Like if he isn't feeling full remorse, is it possible that he will at some point? How long does that freaking take?!?
I'm not really doing any marriage work right now. I'm just focusing on my personal health and growth. I'm pretty detached emotionally much of the time from WH. Not mean or spiteful or even cold, really. But I feel like I can't give to US until he's all the way there. And I don't know if that's a completely unreasonable thing to expect or not.