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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: Becoming a single mom by choice
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Target  Posted: 2:18 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that there are several of us that are childless and in our mid thirties. A good friend of mine, 36 - beautiful, smart, wonderful woman... after deciding that she was done waiting for the right man or rushing into relationships she decided to become a single mom. She went to a sperm bank, fertility treatments, and is now 4.5 months pregnant. It's an amazing journey for her.
I wanted to share this because she has started an anonymous blog about her experience. If you're interested in her experience, please PM me and I will give you the link.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
foreverempty
♂ 34426
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do envy the choice women have to be able to do this.

I miss my DD immensely and find it so hard when I'm around my friends all with children and my sisters kids, my niece especially.

As a guy I don't have the options available that a healthy woman would have.

If I could have children now without a relationship I would most likely be starting to make a plan for it to happen right now, I'm not getting any younger!

I can't even adopt after the mess caused by xWW's affair,the removal of DD back into foster care part way through adoption, and my subsequent and on going mental health issues (Depression)

Sad, but I can see myself being childless forever.

Hope her pregnancy goes well and that she copes well being a single mom.


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 645 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am very excited for her and she has a good support network. It's interesting, I never thought that I would consider this option, but watching her go through it...

If you think about it with divorce rates as high as they are, many women do become single moms unexpectedly - but with some problematic custody disputes and issues. I couldn't imagine having kids with my ex and the nightmare that would ensue.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
foreverempty
♂ 34426
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it would indeed be very exciting if you were to decide to do it and not at all daft.

A great support network is vital though and don't underestimate the disruption to your life forever, especially if your a career woman.

The rewards will be given back 10 fold though


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 645 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think that she has any unrealistic expectations. We have a workplace that has excellent insurance, full paid maternity, and on-site subsidized day-care.

She's 36 and has always wanted a child. She just has had a string of bad dates and semi-relationships over the years. She's decided that she wants this and is taking initiative.

Career woman or not, children disrupt your life and change everything.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
waiting2see
♀ 13767
Member # 13767
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my experience with XWS, I believe every parent should go into parenthood understanding that some day you may have to do it alone. As we know, there are no guarantees.

I actually envy your friend bc she is going in with eyes wide open fully prepared and ready to be a single parent. She knows where she stands and no one can pull the rug out from under her, at least, in terms of her expectations of parenthood.


me: BS
him: XWS

Much of your pain is self-chosen. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

"It's not livin' that you're doin' if it feels like dyin." Ray Lamontagne


Posts: 1932 | Registered: Feb 2007
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was looking into the single mom by choice route when I met my ex and realized I might be able to obtain motherhood the traditional way.

Now I wish I'd have stayed single.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10040 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a good friend who went this route 15 years ago. She is still single and so happy she made the choice to become a mother -- and especially after watching the hell the Dooosh puts me through, she knows she won't ever have to share custody or wait for a check that isn't coming!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
BrokenDaisy
♀ 37063
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would do it in a heartbeat. I actually want to do it but don't have the finances currently but I'm adamant to have another child someday but not adamant to have another husband.

I am actually putting a lot of hope on the fact that I might be able to afford it someday and give my son a sibling.

Good for your friend. I wish her only the best.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
foreverempty
♂ 34426
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On site day car. How absolutely perfect. Very envious


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 645 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
Whalers11
♀ 27544
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, with my 33rd birthday around the corner and no romantic prospects in sight.

I want to do this via the "traditional" way - I know that in no way does that mean the father would always be around or even be a good father. But I am getting hung up on having to tell my child someday that their father was a sample from a sperm bank.

Until I can work that out, I will remain childless. Which is more and more looking like forever.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2297 | Registered: Feb 2010
industriousbee
♀ 41324
Member # 41324
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a very interesting topic. It makes me realize I shouldnt stay in a bad marriage just because of a baby. I respect her for going ahead and making the choice to bear a child not waiting on a man to rely on. At the same time I respect those that wait on it the natural way. She is a brave woman for sure!


Married 8 years
ME BS 30
HIM WS 33
DD 1.5 years old
DDAY 11-13-12

Posts: 116 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 12

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