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User Topic: 1 month anniversary of DDay tomorrow
♀ 41876
Member # 41876
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One month ago tomorrow WH left me crying and went to a hotel with another woman. He had been having and EA for a month and told me it was over in a marriage therapist's office. I died that night knowing that he was frolicking with a woman 10 years younger than me who said she was going to leave her husband to be with my WH so they could start their perfect life together. He came home at 7:00 the next morning ashamed and disgusted with himself. While he does appear to be remorseful I am not sure about things. For a week he was sleeping on the couch, but I couldn't hold out very long and let him back in the bedroom. I made him get tested and everything came back clean. We are seeing a therapist weekly and we are both reading books on recovery and improving marriage. I guess my problem is that with tomorrow being the 1 month anniversary of his A everything is coming back to me. The sneaking around before hand, the hurt, loss, pain, and despair. I want him out of my bed again. At least for tomorrow night. However, I'm afraid that it will set our R back. Is it wrong for me to ask him to sleep on the couch again after I've let him back in the bed?

Me BS 34
Him WS 35
Married 10 years
D Day 12/28/13
Attempting R

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I don't think there's any way around that pain. You've got to feel it to get through it, and I guarantee it will last longer than you think it should.

But life does get better as time passes and as you do the work you need to do to heal.

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:39 PM, January 26th (Sunday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16591 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Annonymouse, you know you have to do what is best for you right now. You are only 4 weeks out and are still raw from the pain.

If you prefer that you sleep alone tomorrow then let your H know and no doubt he will respect that. I recall a few random days unrelated to our D-Day and several months out where I wanted to sleep solo.

Keep talking to your H. Keep reading. Keep up the counseling.

We are 13 months out and it does get easier but that first year is pretty damn tough.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 21773
Member # 21773
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 1 month was yesterday and everything triggered me. I was a weepy mess - even cried at Modern Family.

You are going to feel sad and alone whether he is in the room or not. Strangely WH has been great about holding me when I cry except for last night of all nights. I know he was tired but the occasional pat on the back while I wept kind of made it worse. I didn't say anything about the date, maybe I should have.

I don't think having him sleep on the couch will set R back, but maybe giving him the chance to be there for you will move it forward.

Me: 41 BS/WW/BS
2 kids 9 & 11, 3 steps 20, 8 and 3
BS 1st DDay 10/14/08, 5 mo. PA w/ MOW
WW 2nd D-Day 3/22/10, my exit A with HS BF
Separated 4/19/10
Married H #2 10/8/11
BS latest Dday 12/28/13 - PA w/ single COW

Posts: 2207 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 4

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