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BS's foo nightmare…I just had it out with mil

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knightsbff posted 1/26/2014 19:59 PM

BH's youngest brother (of 5 boys), we'll call him Skippy, is 30 years old. He failed out of college because he just stopped going to class after we paid his tuition for him. He quit his job because they made him made and he just walked out. He was living in a property his parents own and they were supporting him. Paying for his phone, internet service, all utilities, food, gas, insurance on their vehicle that he has, everything. He plays video games all day. That's what he was doing instead of going to class too.

This has been going on for several years. BH's parents have asked us several times what they should do, what is wrong with him, what can be done, etc. He has had numerous medical work ups finding nothing wrong. We recommended a psychiatrist and a IC. He would take the meds for a week and say they weren't working or made him worse, after being told several times it takes 4-6 weeks to see if meds are helping. He said his body is different and he can tell if they will work after one dose. He walked out on the IC because she told him he was full of shit (he says), and he refuses to go back. Of course his parents can't say enough how horrible that IC was to treat him that way.

Anywho…MIL calls tonight for BH who is over an hour late home from work (when I stopped by to drop something off for him he was dealing with an ER full of crazy and several traumas as the only doc). She needs BH to write his brother a rx for his psych meds because Skippy refuses to call his p-doc's office for a refill. Skippy says that when he saw the p-doc last he told him he just doesn't feel well enough sometimes to do things for him self and would like his parents to be able to call the office for things for him and the p-doc said it was ok. But, when his mommy called the office the office staff said Skippy will have to call himself. This made Skippy mad because he says the doc lied to him.

So anytime MIL has a problem she calls BH (the oldest of 5) to solve it. Then when things don't work out he is blamed.

On the phone tonight I told MIL that BH swore he would never write Skippy a rx for psych meds because last time he did that Skippy said they made him feel worse and his parents blamed him. I told her I would ask BH to call Skippy as she requested and he could tell him to call the p-doc for a refill.

She cried, said my BH was often selfish, and he needs to buck up from feeling blamed when things don't go well. She also said they have done a lot of things to help us, blah, blah, blah. She then said don't even bother telling him to call.

Maybe I shouldn't have engaged her…. Probably I should have just taken a message and passed it on to BH. I just know the kind of day he has had and didn't want him to come home to deal with the FOO crazy.

We need an intervention.

Threnody posted 1/26/2014 20:03 PM

Send her this link, and highlight the last line.

Your husband has no reason to write that prescription out, since Skippy is already under the care of a suitable doctor and is an immediate family member and there is no emergency.

Tell them to stick it. I give you permission.


Aubrie posted 1/26/2014 20:10 PM

She needs BH to write his brother a rx for his psych meds because Skippy refuses to call his p-doc's office for a refill.
Ummm, isn't that illegal? Like abusing the privilege or something?

Skippy has a doctor that prescribed him RX already. Skippy is a big boy. Skippy can get on the dang phone and take care of his own business.

We need an intervention.

Nahhhhh. I vote NC. As hard as it was to get down in the beginning stages, it's worked beautifully lately. Such peace and quiet. Such peace of mind.

Sorry they're crazy. I can totally empathize with you.

Jrazz posted 1/26/2014 20:18 PM

I'm so sorry. There is nothing worse than trying to do the right thing and getting read the riot act anyway.

It sounds like you know that not engaging is the best way to handle this. Just sending empathy and hugs your way because I know how hard this is.


knightsbff posted 1/26/2014 22:20 PM

Thank you so much guys. It helps to know others have dealt with similar stuff.

BH came home stressed out and exhausted worried about calling his mom or his brother or his dad to sort out the mess I made by telling his mom a reasonable answer. I said, "how 'bout we turn off the phones and call it a night?" To which he said, "I like that idea." So we are chilling.

The med is not a controlled substance, but it isn't an emergency and I agree with Threnody it's not appropriate.

I can't make the call to go NC, though I sometimes wish we could. I definitely feel we need to work on boundaries with them but BH will have to make that decision when he's ready. I have actually worked on boundaries with MIL by speaking my truth and being authentic rather than telling her what she wants to hear. It has definitely made waves but strangely when she's sees I'm not backing down she seems to calm down. There's a pattern where she escalates, I calmly hold my ground, then she seems to calm down and get reasonable and pleasant. Weird.

MIL is very manipulative. She even told me tonight that she could guilt him into writing the prescription but she didn't want to do that. Was that a threat?

I also think MIL is doing the best she knows how to do... She had a rough childhood and her FOO was horrendous.

Tomorrow should be fun.

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