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missy1 posted 1/26/2014 20:17 PM

My husband and I are in counseling because of his affair.
Has anyone ever reconciled without having password access. He has given my his cell access but that's not enough. I'm not interested in being patient with him about giving up the passwords. Our counselor suggested I be patient because he is terrified of me leaving and taking the kids. This is definitely a dealbreaker and I refuse to stay without ALL passwords

Morhurt posted 1/26/2014 20:23 PM

That is a basic absolute MUST. You have every right in the world to demand it and not be patient.
((Missy1))
I'm so sorry for your pain.

Newme123 posted 1/26/2014 21:46 PM

What does his fear of you leaving with the kids have to do with him giving up passwords? If anything, he could get rid of some of that fear by giving you the passwords!!! I'm not getting why your counselor told you to be patient. Yes you need those passwords. It as valuable tool to helping rebuild trust in your relationship.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 1/26/2014 23:29 PM

sadly, i think your WH is doing himself more harm that good here. By not providing you the information you need, he is creating an environment of mistrust and secrecy. He is not creating an open, honest and transparent place for you to being to feel safe and begin the healing process.

he should be terrified. damn terrified. and he should be doing whatever he can to show you thru actions that he is remorseful and will do whatever it takes to hold onto his family.

dmg35 posted 1/27/2014 00:13 AM

You need and should have all passwords. 100% open and transparent for R to work....

Tell him to give up passwords and that will help you heal and to start slowly to build his trust back...

No patience needed by you

hurtingfool posted 1/27/2014 03:51 AM

I already had most of them thanks to the Norton password vault. Now I am trying to find all the hidden accounts. I've gotten one, sure there are a couple more. Definitely makes things harder when you can't trust that they've given you everything.

karmahappens posted 1/27/2014 04:41 AM

Our counselor suggested I be patient because he is terrified of me leaving and taking the kids.

Please....what, are you supposed to feel bad for him? Your IC needs to remind him why this is all happening.

This is definitely a dealbreaker and I refuse to stay without ALL passwords

Not getting the passwords immediately just gives them time to clean stuff up.

I would give him a choice when he wakes up. Passwords to all accounts or hefty bags...he can choose.

His fear is probably more that you will see that he has been lying about something and you will find it. IMO once the lies are over passwords are a non-issue.

spond posted 1/27/2014 07:12 AM

I totally agree to everyone else here. Full 100% access.

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