Our counselor suggested I be patient because he is terrified of me leaving and taking the kids.
Please....what, are you supposed to feel bad for him? Your IC needs to remind him why this is all happening.
This is definitely a dealbreaker and I refuse to stay without ALL passwords
Not getting the passwords immediately just gives them time to clean stuff up.
I would give him a choice when he wakes up. Passwords to all accounts or hefty bags...he can choose.
His fear is probably more that you will see that he has been lying about something and you will find it. IMO once the lies are over passwords are a non-issue.