Can anyone tell me if I'm asking too much?
After everything my WH did, I am left feeling unloved, unappreciated, uncherished thru repeated actions/words which confirm these things - due to FOO issues, or fog or whatever it was.
Ultimately, this is how I felt.
He has mentioned in the past that doing spontaneous nice things for me was "inconvenient" though it was not inconvenient to meet and romance his APs or do any of the other selfish things he did which required tons of effort on his part. But he wanted it he says so he put in the effort. Now, while trying to R, we've read the 5 languages of love together.
Can't do physical - I just don't feel safe/ready.
Can't do date nights currently in the state of affairs - too many elephants in the room.
Getting gifts is on my list so he was buying flowers, jewelry, clothes, etc occasionally. Appreciated - yes but very materialistic/superficial/easy - not much thought involved.
Not meaningful to me.
I can't be bought by these things.
I love gifts but ones which come with thought and meaning. Not a credit card swipe. Romantic gestures that take into account what I like. Something he spent time on. Effort on.
But he cops out- "I'm not romantic, I'm not creative." This coming from the guy who has "X for Dummies" books about everything - bought, rarely read. And with the internet everywhere, why can't he get a myriad of ideas.
I don't expect perfection.
I don't even have hopes that it will be great.
But the effort is what's missing.
The desire to do something like this for me - even though I've asked for it.
Is it too much to ask for a "grand" romantic gesture to see if I am not an inconvenience and if I am worth the effort to do something that 'I' would like?
Not expensive. But meaningful, thoughtful.
I just think that if I had the opportunity, much less the request, to do something super loving and romantic for my supposed soulmate whom I have hurt so unbelievably, why wouldn't I jump at the chance. Why wouldn't I want to bring that person love, why wouldn't I want to make them feel reassured, why wouldn't I want to see them smile and feel appreciated?
Like all the effort that goes into a sweet or romantic proposal. Is it too much to ask for?
I just really need a sign of his love.
He keeps talking about it.
But I don't feel it. I'm sure do to my baggage.
But I need him to work harder to help me feel his love. Beyond words.
I'm tired of "I love you", "I'm sorry", "I won't hurt you again". Yes - I need that too but that will only help with consistency and time.
What I need is a declaration of love.
Not about how sorry he is, and how ashamed he is.
How angry and sad he hurt me.
Great he's that but WHY ME? WHY NOW?
I need to hear an untainted love letter to me.
He doesn't get it.
I need to FEEL loved.