Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Moving on? When to date?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

norabird posted 1/27/2014 09:21 AM

My reconciliation attempt ended VERY recently with my exWBF; in some ways I've had the time since my first discovery to begin processing a change in how I see the man I was with, but he was still selling me a story about our future and his efforts in IC, NC with OW etc. that I was buying until the curtain fell. My own IC is big on 'feeling the feelings', but I am a bit numb most of the time and in shock, and really WANT to learn to think differently and protect myself from yearning for a lost cause. All of that takes time--I know that. Slowly the anger and hurt will get processed and fade.

But I've also recently (post-breakup) seen someone I used to have a crush on, who has interest in me also apparently, and our friends are talking about setting us up. I would really like to see what could develop there--it's not just a rebound, in that I know my crush existed before and now I'm rediscovering it, instead of creating it out of nothing as a distraction. As long as I'm mindful and honest and try to take it slow, can people start opening up to new possibilities before they've fully healed the old wounds? It's hard because of course I'd love to just skip ahead and get past what happened, when that's simply not realistic. And I do want the time to honor what I lost and mourn and repair myself. But I want to be open to new happiness and exciting romantic opportunities too!

Any who've BTDT and can shed some light?

Williesmom posted 1/27/2014 11:10 AM

If you're numb, it's not fair to the next guy to still be processing your feelings from the last one.

Take time for yourself. Allow yourself to heal a bit. There is absolutely no rush.

BrokenDaisy posted 1/27/2014 14:26 PM

My advice would be to wait and work on yourself and heal.

I started dating my xwh very soon after breaking up from a LTR, also thinking it wasn't a rebound because I knew him since childhood and had had a crush on him before. Worst choice ever. Worst. It's not worth the risk imo to date before you're fully healed and at least past the "numb" stage.

Good luck!

norabird posted 1/27/2014 15:29 PM

Thanks. Needed a minor 2x4 I guess...a 1x2? I will put anything new on hold until the painful thoughts of my ex have faded.

(deep breaths)

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.