Backstory, all of WH's family knew about his A before I did. They all knew at Christmas 2009. During the week we were they in Dec 2009, I asked his sisters, brothers in law, mom, to help him. He was acting very strange, and I assumed it was because he was abusing pills. Turned out WH was having an A, abusing pills, and undiagnosed bipolar. I remember the last night we were there, after calling so many of them or speaking to the face to face, asking them to help WH, they just looked down, would not even acknowledge me or look me in the eye.
BUT... there was one cousin and his wife who quietly tried to help us the entire week... They invited us over to dinner & talked to us then, then had my WH to dinner again & encouraged him to get help, and then sat with me and talked to me for an hour that last night where no one else would even look at me. They really came to bat for our family. They are what I would call friends of the marriage.
These people also never bad mouthed me when other family was during the year we were divorcing.
The wife has terminal cancer. I think the doctors have given her 6 months to a year.
I would like for them both to know how much I appreciate their support of our family. Would it be weird to write them a letter thanking them for their support
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:29 AM, January 27th (Monday)]
[This message edited by Sparkle0504 at 10:30 AM, January 27th (Monday)]
The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies "Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995
We also have a FOM who's been willing to dive into the mudpit with us, talk to us each separately, and tries to "mediate" when we hit the bottom of the rollercoaster. I said to WH, "Not too many people would be willing to do this...". He laughingly replied, "well, apparently 'not too many' means ONE. He's the ONLY one willing to really dive into the weeds with us and lovingly apply 2x4s to BOTH of us." He's an amazing FOM.
I usually send him a text of thanks once we are back on the uphill climb to let him know how much his 2x4's, friendship, love, and support are appreciated.
Definitely write the letter. If she is fighting cancer, they certainly need every ounce of loving supportive karma to come back to them right now.
Dear Joe and Anne,
The dust has long since settled from our horrible year, 2010. Looking back now, I am very grateful to family and friends who supported us during that time. You both took time out during Christmas 2009 to encourage us to rethink divorce; you took WH aside to talk to him privately, and you both counseled me at the New Years Eve party at Steve and Gwen's house.
You will never know how much your support was and is appreciated. Your actions exemplified the meaning of family.
Gotta & Husband
Married for over 15 years 2 beautiful boys in elementary school
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
edited to add- and dropped in the mailbox.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 11:34 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]
My other in laws told me that I needed to change, to be more attentive to WH. But these two really understood and were true 'friends of the marriage'. Not only did they do the right thing, but they went against the rest of the family to do the right thing. I have a ton of respect for that
