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facing the x-in-laws
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Darkness Falls posted 1/27/2014 15:13 PM
It seems the time has come. XH and I have vacation coming up and he asked if I'd like to go with him to see his family.
I haven't seen or spoken with them since about 2 weeks before I started the affair. I wrote them apology letters after D-day but they didn't respond.
They are the last people in my personal life that I have to face post-A. I'm anxious.
Just wanted to share. Any comments or advice are welcome.
Brandon808 posted 1/27/2014 15:19 PM
Has your XH spoken to them in advance? That's what I would do just so there aren't any surprises.
Darkness Falls posted 1/27/2014 15:23 PM
Yes. I made sure of it. He says I'm welcome.
cdnmommy posted 1/27/2014 15:29 PM
Heartbroken, when we had our first gathering with my family after DDay (Christmas dinner) I knew my mother would be a problem. In her typical conflict avoidant way, she wouldn't tell me that, but she told my sisters that she didn't know if she would come since my FWH would be there.
I made some time to go and talk to her in advance, and with some coaching from my IC I managed to make her acknowledge her discomfort and then I asked for her support and told her what that meant to me. She came, and she did great. She even hugged my FWH when she left and told him she was really angry at him, but that she loved him. I almost fell over.
Has your XH had a talk with his family? I think that's a good idea because even if you think you have your big-girl panties on and are prepared for it, it will be hard on him if his family makes it difficult. I think a bit of a united front is called for in this situation.
Edited: You posted while I was, so I see he already talked to them. Since that's the case, I just hope our experience with my family gives you some cause for optimism that it will be a good visit.
[This message edited by cdnmommy at 3:30 PM, January 27th (Monday)]
Darkness Falls posted 1/27/2014 17:43 PM
Thanks cdnmommy. They stated a long time ago (to XH) that they were ok with me if XH was. I know it will be awkward and embarrassing and humbling but I hope it goes well.