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Not so positive anymore...

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Sammy2013 posted 1/27/2014 22:05 PM

So I had the great positive post earlier. Knew I should have watched it. Got that funny feeling you get. So I snooped. After digging I found that he slept with a friend of ours back in July. Month before he hooked up with what I presumed was his moment of weakness. It all came tumbling out. Prostitutes over the course of our marriage (but only hand jobs, whatever) and the little flush who he "went down on" 2 weeks before our wedding.

Waiting for the alarm to go off and tell me this is all just a bad dream.

jo2love posted 1/27/2014 22:36 PM

(((Sammy)))

lilflower1000 posted 1/27/2014 22:39 PM

So sorry (( Sammy))

nowiknow23 posted 1/27/2014 22:40 PM

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. (((((Sammy)))))

phoenixrise posted 1/27/2014 23:29 PM

Im sorry that really sucks! So where are you now? Have you made a decision to stay or leave? You did not deserve all that...it's totally not your fault...know that you are a person of value...love yourself and don't beat yourself up over his bad decisions. ..I know what its like to wake up every day to a nightmarish feeling...no one should have to feel like that every day...hugs

Sammy2013 posted 1/27/2014 23:42 PM

R gut now the only decision I have made is to get up and take care of my kids. He is on a business trip right now so I don't have to see him. I have an IC session Wednesday. I will go from there.

Right now I believe the 180 is in order. He is begging me, etc not to throw away the past 3 months of recovery. But I feel so sick about the prostitutes. One affair when he was weak and confused is one thing. But this? Plus the friend he slept with in July. We were all friends. I know her husband. I called him earlier tonight. She denied everything, but I have proof.

I know I won't sleep tonight, but I'm trying to drink plenty of water. It's DDay 1 all over again.

phoenixrise posted 1/28/2014 00:14 AM

Good for you telling the husband he deserved to know. Good for you being a strong mother maybe you can call a close fam member to stay with you as it will be hard to function over the next few weeks. A plan of action is definitely in order dependant on you and what you have set your boundaries to...he obviously kept all that hidden in fear of losing you if he is begging now...but its up to you decide if his major dishonesty is too much for you or if its a deal breaker all together...its a hard place to be I feel for you...try to get rest ...I know :( and focus on YOUR and Yuri our children's needs...love

Ostrich80 posted 1/28/2014 01:20 AM

Oh Sammy, I'm so sorry. No advice just ((Sammy))

OnAnIsland posted 1/28/2014 01:31 AM

Sammy, it is d day all over again. Same rules: take care of yourself; eat, sleep, drink water. cry when you need to. Do your best with your littles, call in the support of friends and family. talk with ic. and you don't need to make a decision right now. not until you are ready. Hopefully this is the last of the d days, and buried truth.

thinking of you. The one positive thing for me about finding out about the earlier phone sex affair (my d day #x?) was that it really underscored that it wasn't about me or our marriage. no matter what he wanted to say about his whys- he was broken. he had terrible boundaries, and felt entitled to what he wanted regardless of boundaries broken, vows broken, etc. Hopefully you had already let go of the self blame. I had on a discursive level. I had quickly said that I wasn't to blame, the A was about him and his brokenness. But it would creep in sometimes with self doubt and self esteem struggles. But with A number two (really#1, but found out about it later than d day LTA), it really came home. Our marriage was at a completely different place. his career was at a different place. none of the stresses of relocation, etc. were present. And the whole mess that you have found out- all these ow- he is broken.

be gentle with yourself.

sisoon posted 1/28/2014 15:36 PM

I'm really sorry to mention this, but ... paying for handjobs? Seems unlikely to me. Blowjobs, yes. I'm not talking from experience, so I could be way off.

Sammy2013 posted 1/28/2014 15:48 PM

Sisoon, you aren't off. I'm positive he slept with them. I'm done being stupid.

norabird posted 1/28/2014 16:07 PM

He is begging me, etc not to throw away the past 3 months of recovery.

YOU are not the one throwing away that 'recovery'. He threw it away when he lied about his actions at a time when you were vulnerable. Do NOT buy this guilt-trip victim-blaming bs. He put everything at risk, end of story.

karmahappens posted 1/28/2014 16:13 PM

Oh Sammy

I am so sorry.

Your positive post was wonderful and you know what...the same is still true

I figured out that I need to work on ME. Not the marriage right now

Take care of you, do not forget or lose the person you are. You deserve honesty, respect and a faithful, loving partner.

One day at a time, with your best interest first...

(((hugs)))

nekorb posted 1/28/2014 19:00 PM

(((Sammy)))
I'm so sorry.

Getting to Happy posted 1/28/2014 22:35 PM

So sorry.

(((((Sammy)))))

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